No strings attached...

I have been disillusioned lately with certain friendships. Those that I thought were close to me show no interest in my life and it hurts. I am going through this thing as I prepare for long term missions in Nigeria where I realize that many people have already let me go. They don't want to invest in me because I am leaving again, or maybe they have moved on. I guess I have to lower my expectations of others because they will always let me down. I am left disappointed because I realize I have once again invested my heart in people who don't reciprocate. As painful is that is for me I still choose to love others and show them God's love. Jesus didn't love people for what they could give him or how they would benefit him; he loved them with no alterior motive. Do I do that? Do I really love people because I love Jesus and he calls me to love, or because they can benefit me in some way? I am searching my heart on that currently.

I also realize that some people are only in our lives for a season. That season however short or long is blessed by the people that come across our paths. I am learning how to enjoy those friends for however long I have the privilege of spending time with them. The hard part though is saying goodbye. I don't like this at all but after living in Nigeria I got good at saying goodbye constantly. It seemed like weekly I was saying goodbye to another friend who I had lived through such difficult times with. Tragedies bring people closer and in Nigeria we went through many of those.

For now I give my hurt heart to Jesus and ask him to mend it and help me let go of those that hurt me. I am sure there are many people that I have hurt and I don't even know it. May God forgive me for the selfishness in my heart and help give me a heart that simply loves.. with no strings attached.