I have been thinking lately about what it means to truly live. In order to live I have to die. That doesn't seem to make sense, yet when we follow Jesus he demands us to lay down our life so that we may live fully for him. I am called to die to this desire to please my own sinful flesh and to live for serving others. This is not natural, but supernatural. It is a high calling and a total contradiction from what the world says. This battle is one of the hardest things in our Christian walk because everything in us says to please and satisfy our own selfish desires. We pine after temporary things which are merely cheap substitutes for the living water that Jesus provides. I have been dying of thirst for living water that will quench my soul and satisfy the deepest longings of my heart.
Every single day when I rise I have to die to Susan; die to the desires that I live for and aim to lay down the "self" that creeps up daily. I am called to put off the old man and claim the new man and the promises from my Heavenly Father. I long for pure and holy water from Jesus to fill me. These days my tank has been running on empty and when I arrive to work I feel like I have nothing to offer my patients. Yet If I am being filled again and again with Holy water from the Eternal well, then the character of Jesus, who is the filler, will naturally overflow onto everyone around me. How do I tap into that daily? By being at the feet of him who died for me, by falling on my knees and bowing to the one who bowed his head and said "it is finished!" When I count the cost of the cross at Calvary I cannot help but come away changed and satisfied.
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But whoever drinks of the water I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life!"John 4:14Oh that I would run to the fountain of life, the spring which is Jesus and die more often to truly live in HIM.
Since coming back from Nigeria in June I have struggled to be all here. I am finally settling int o life here and yet I am missing my life in Nigeria so much. I miss my friends, my children and the work of helping HIV patients. I am learning to rest in Jesus and to trust in his will for my life. I want to obey Christ and to die to my own selfishness. Nigeria is where God wants me to be and I long to be in his will because that is when I am most happy and he is most glorified.
