Notes From Nigeria

Missing you...

2008-08-12T22:10:00.000-07:00

Since coming back from Nigeria in June I have struggled to be all here. I am finally settling int o life here and yet I am missing my life in Nigeria so much. I miss my friends, my children and the work of helping HIV patients. I am learning to rest in Jesus and to trust in his will for my life. I want to obey Christ and to die to my own selfishness. Nigeria is where God wants me to be and I long to be in his will because that is when I am most happy and he is most glorified.

Spring of Life

2008-08-10T16:14:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking lately about what it means to truly live. In order to live I have to die. That doesn't seem to make sense, yet when we follow Jesus he demands us to lay down our life so that we may live fully for him. I am called to die to this desire to please my own sinful flesh and to live for serving others. This is not natural, but supernatural. It is a high calling and a total contradiction from what the world says. This battle is one of the hardest things in our Christian walk because everything in us says to please and satisfy our own selfish desires. We pine after temporary things which are merely cheap substitutes for the living water that Jesus provides. I have been dying of thirst for living water that will quench my soul and satisfy the deepest longings of my heart.

Every single day when I rise I have to die to Susan; die to the desires that I live for and aim to lay down the "self" that creeps up daily. I am called to put off the old man and claim the new man and the promises from my Heavenly Father. I long for pure and holy water from Jesus to fill me. These days my tank has been running on empty and when I arrive to work I feel like I have nothing to offer my patients. Yet If I am being filled again and again with Holy water from the Eternal well, then the character of Jesus, who is the filler, will naturally overflow onto everyone around me. How do I tap into that daily? By being at the feet of him who died for me, by falling on my knees and bowing to the one who bowed his head and said "it is finished!" When I count the cost of the cross at Calvary I cannot help but come away changed and satisfied.

"But whoever drinks of the water I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life!"

John 4:14

Oh that I would run to the fountain of life, the spring which is Jesus and die more often to truly live in HIM.

No strings attached...

2008-07-05T21:38:00.000-07:00

I have been disillusioned lately with certain friendships. Those that I thought were close to me show no interest in my life and it hurts. I am going through this thing as I prepare for long term missions in Nigeria where I realize that many people have already let me go. They don't want to invest in me because I am leaving again, or maybe they have moved on. I guess I have to lower my expectations of others because they will always let me down. I am left disappointed because I realize I have once again invested my heart in people who don't reciprocate. As painful is that is for me I still choose to love others and show them God's love. Jesus didn't love people for what they could give him or how they would benefit him; he loved them with no alterior motive. Do I do that? Do I really love people because I love Jesus and he calls me to love, or because they can benefit me in some way? I am searching my heart on that currently.

I also realize that some people are only in our lives for a season. That season however short or long is blessed by the people that come across our paths. I am learning how to enjoy those friends for however long I have the privilege of spending time with them. The hard part though is saying goodbye. I don't like this at all but after living in Nigeria I got good at saying goodbye constantly. It seemed like weekly I was saying goodbye to another friend who I had lived through such difficult times with. Tragedies bring people closer and in Nigeria we went through many of those.

For now I give my hurt heart to Jesus and ask him to mend it and help me let go of those that hurt me. I am sure there are many people that I have hurt and I don't even know it. May God forgive me for the selfishness in my heart and help give me a heart that simply loves.. with no strings attached.

I have found the secret....

2008-06-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

Since living in Nigeria my life has not been the same; I have felt like I am in "transition mode" for over a year now. I often struggle with how to reconcile the way that I feel, and learn contentment in the midst of constantly feeling pulled between two worlds. I have yet to know how to just "be" without planning or anticipating the next thing. At times I am unable to relax and not worry about what it is that I am going to do in the future. A million questions are running around inside my head and I can't slow them down. Questions like, when am I going back to Nigeria? What will I do when I get there? Where am I going to work between now and then? Where am I living in the next three months? Where am I going to find a roommate? How am I going to raise support?

I am reminded that I must learn contentment in the here and now. Right now I can learn to trust God and enjoy what each new day brings. That is so un-American. We don't know how to enjoy each new day, but instead we rush around and first thing in the morning are already talking about tomorrow. Our culture forces us to plan constantly and to look for the next best thing. The last few days I have been thinking that my life would be so much better if only......here are a few things I am pondering ashamedly.

1. If only I worked at Starbucks...
2. If only I was in Nigeria...
3. If only I was more brave...
4. If only I was more intelligent...
5. If only I was less emotional...
6. If only I didn't say those things...
7. If only I didn't worry so much...
8. If only I lived closer...
9. If only I were not a nurse...
10. If only I had a less stressful job...

When I feel as if only something were different in my life God shows me that HE is all that I need, and that nothing else can satisfy me like he can. My precious Heavenly Father continues to gently remind me that he alone can fill my heart with more of him if I let him be all that I need. Until I completely surrender all to Jesus he cannot be everything to me. That is quite profound to me. He will never be my all in all if I keep using cheap substitutes to make me happy. When I think something better will come along or when I feel I am lacking something, I am always left wanting. When I get that very thing that I wanted so much there is always a letdown and feeling of disappointment. Inevitably another thing replaces the first and it appears that I will find gratification from that new thing. Yet it never happens. When will I learn? Only when I am in glory will I stop battling my flesh and earthly desires and find true and ultimate satisfaction in Christ. Until then I will continue to battle my sin and vanity.

No-one knew contentment more than Paul. I want to learn from Paul what is means to be at peace in my soul.

"For I know what it means to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:12

These verses are glorious because they give such insight into life. Paul knew what it meant to have plenty, he also knew what it meant to have little. Yet in either situation he found contentment. He knew the secret to all of life. That only through finding strength in Jesus Christ can we find what we are looking for. What could I possibly want that has not already been given to me? Is Jesus enough for me?

What about you? Have you found what you are looking for? Praise be to God that I have found the secret to being happy; the secret is a relationship with Jesus Christ, Yesu Almasehu, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, the Creator and Sustainer of life, the High and Exalted One who is My Redeemer, My Fortress, my joy and my Crown.

Seeing Shaibu

2008-06-13T13:27:00.000-07:00

Visiting Shaibu was a huge highlight during my trip back to Nigeria. Many of you remember how frail and skeletal he was almost two years ago when he first came to our ministry. He weighed a mere 4 kg at 9 months old. Now he is running all over the place and eats everything. He still clings to his grandmother like nobody's business, and refuses to talk to me but is so precious and such a miracle. If you look closely enough you can see he is even smiling small small. Oh the joy of seeing God work in amazing ways. Is our God awesome or what? Only God could raise this little boy from the dead and give him a second chance at life. May Shaibu become a follower of Jesus when he grows up...

Gyero Girls

2008-05-30T15:08:00.000-07:00

Aunty Nicky driving the van to Gyero, a village just outside of Jos where many orphan children have been given a new home, a new life and hope for their futures through free education, discipleship, food, clothing, and medical care.

Inexpressible joy!

2008-05-28T13:11:00.000-07:00

Sharing the gospel and praying with these women was the best part of my day. I came in the VVF clinic to greet the women and sing Hausa songs with them. After singing one of the women asked me to pray that God would send them work; most of these women come from the bush and they are very poor with great need for food and skills to provide the necessities for their families. I asked her if I could pray for them right then and they all agreed. As soon as they heard I wanted to pray many more women crowded in, and they listened with anticipation as if hearing some amazing news. I sat down on one of their filthy bunk beds and covered my head with a jean jacket because I had left my head tie at the office, and began praying. None of these women speak a word of English so I resorted to little words I know in Hausa that relate to the gospel and stumbled through praying back and forth from English to Hausa. I was truly humbled and felt like the spotlight was on me; I kept asking God for his help knowing only his Holy Spirit could speak through me to communicate what he wanted them to hear. I know that God heard and that no matter what they actually understood, God is bigger than any language barrier, he is bigger than their ability to understand, he is bigger than their beliefs and their fears of believing what we believe. I know I am here for such a time is this. I want to proclaim the gospel boldly and without fear. I pray many of these women come to saving faith in Christ. Please pray for them...

Of course seeing my kids and my husband most of all was great too (my husband is the one in the middle)

Safia is growing so much and loves this Ground nut butter I am holding. The U.S. government is providing this food for malnourished babies and it is making a huge difference for the kids who have been failing to thrive.

The joy of seeing my twins Peter and Paul was so amazing!! They came to us last year in terrible shape and so thin. Now look at them.

Larai and her new three month old Mishael. Larai was one of my closest friends in Nigeria and we worked together at Spring of Life. Right before I left she told me that she was pregnant and I could not have been happier. It was so great to see her new baby boy. Today Larai had a glow about her that I have never seen before. It was remarkable, and I can only say that God has given her such a joy to be a mommy!

There is no possible way to explain the joy of being back in Nigeria, and having the opportunity to impact so many lives. Being gone for 10 months really showed me how much I did make a difference in so many lives, and I have a fresh perspective on what I was doing on a daily basis. At times I would get burned out and think "what difference am I really making?" After seeing the joy on peoples faces when they saw me showed how important my mere presence, support, encouragement and love for the people here was. Praise Jesus! Today was truly an amazing day!

Where I belong...

2008-05-27T15:01:00.000-07:00

The second I landed in Abuja it was like coming back home. I immediately felt a sense of belonging. Things seem to make sense here to me. My life made sense, I fit in with the culture and loved my life here, despite all the wahala (trouble) that I went through living here. I received a warm welcome at work, and all I can say is that there was much screaming (the good kind!) and tons of long hugs (Nigerians are not touchy feely people) and much laughter. I called my good friend Hajara and started singing to her in Hausa and thinking it was her Nigerian friend she was trying to guess who it was. When I told her it was me she screamed and laughed for a while, then said, "Ina zuwa, ina zuwa yanzu" (I am coming I am coming right now)! It was such an amazing feeling and in some ways I feel like I never left. Ten months seems like a day...she said "I can't stop hugging you!" What a joy to have so many people that are special in my life.

But as I dealt with what seemed like hundreds of young Nigerian men yelling "Baturi" at me as I walked down the street I remembered very quickly, "I am not in Kansas anymore." It didn't take long to remember the things that were hard or made me cry when I came the first time over two years ago. I also saw many children who have polio and are unable to walk, but resort to crawling. Many of them don't even have wheelchairs. There were several other children whose bodies are disfigured, and they were hard to look at. I felt an overwhelming feeling of sorrow again, it's almost like I forgot what that was like. I got so desensitized to it all; of course it was never easy, but I didn't think about it a lot because it is so wearing emotionally. I had to shut it out some in order to function.

God has pulled on my heartstrings again and he continues to do so until I can empathize with people so much that I love like he does. I met with a friend yesterday and he was reminding me how I need to have empathy for people and not just pity for them. It was a good point and I must say I am working on what that looks like here. I will let you know what I come up with.

I don't know what the future holds for me, and at times I don't really know how to love as Jesus loved, but I do know that at this very moment I am right where I belong.......

Leaving on a jet plane

2008-05-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I board a plane to return to Nigeria, the country that has changed my life. I am excited for this new adventure and after being away almost a year I know that as I go I am merely a "visitor" this time and no longer a "resident." Yet I speak their language and we share the same heart. The longer I have been away the more I feel I belong there.

Walking the halls

2008-05-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

As I stepped onto the unit where I work this morning an overwhelming feeling of panic and fear came over me. What crazy things is going to happen today, I thought? How many patients am I going to lose today? I walked around with a pit in my stomach. At times working with cancer patients is too much for me to bear, why? Because I bear their burdens every day. I told a patient a few weeks ago that we as a staff are walking through his cancer journey with him, and indeed we are. Through every tube, blood transfusion, lab draw, IV, patient gown, bowel movement, catheter, medicine, urine specimen, vomit, test or procedure, bad result, whatever the patient goes through, we the nurses are right there to pick up the pieces after the doctor has delivered the bad news. Whether the news is that the cancer has come back, the tumor has spread, or that the chemo isn't working I am called to be the comforter, to listen, and to hold their hand while they cry.

Every day I deal with another excruciatingly sad story, another family burdened with sorrow to see a loved one withering away, another drip of medicine given for the patient's comfort in their last days of life.

Some days I ask God why he has called me to this work???? But then I remember that this road we walk with Jesus is not easy and can be very painful at times. I know that he who has called me is faithful....and that is the hope that I cling to. I should count it a privilege to suffer along with my patients, and God knows I always do. Nigeria is not going to be any easier and in some small way I know God is preparing me for something bigger, not necessarily better, but bigger.

As I walk down the halls of my floor I remember that I am Jesus to these people; not only am I their nurse, I am their advocate, their friend, their sister....their caregiver. We had a free ice cream social today and I went to get my patient some ice cream with extra chocolate and a few wafers. It made him so happy (of course his blood sugar was not exactly low after that, in fact he needed lots of Insulin), and I felt a mighty wave of hope, joy, confidence and contentment in that moment. I grabbed a few Cancer Survivor T-shirts they were giving away to give to my patients. As I entered the room I sprawled the T-shirt in front of his table at the foot of the bed where he could see it. I told him that whenever he got discouraged he could look at his shirt and remember that he is a Survivor. He was thankful and I know it meant so much to him. after that As the day went on as I walked past the room to check on him I noticed him looking at the shirt. Aha...

O God, my Lord and precious Savior! Thank you for this day; that in the midst of feeling totally helpless and weak I could bring joy through ice cream and a T-shirt.

Help me to find those moments in every day even when I don't feel like it. Help me to love my patients more, and to give all that I am and have to serve you!

Spring Banquet

2008-05-05T19:21:00.001-07:00

Last night was the Spring Banquet for Moody Graduate School where we celebrated over 90 students graduating from various majors who are now entering the real world of ministry. To the left is Heidi, a dear African friend (can't you tell she is Ugandan) who spent two years in Uganda and plans to go back next year as a long term missionary. She just "gets me" and there is never an explanation needed for the way I am feeling. I can just cry on her shoulder and tell her how much I miss Nigeria and she listens and understands completely. She can feel that inner turmoil and the longings I have for another land; a land so different from my but somehow a place where I feel at home and find comfort. Thanks girl for your friendship, I am so thankful for you!

Gabby Girl

2008-04-27T21:59:00.001-07:00

My sister-in-law Linda gave birth on April 17th to a beautiful 6 pound 14 ounce baby girl Gabrielle Hope, and I am so excited. She is precious and I am thrilled to be here to celebrate with my family. We now have Maddi, Zachary, Gracie, and Gabby. This was taken hours after she was born. Welcome to the Bertrand family Gabby girl, I love you!

How do I say goodbye to you?

2008-04-05T17:57:00.000-07:00

Many of you remember my blog entry from last July when I left Nigeria. I wrote about a little boy named James who was three years old and my favorite of all. I met him at the very beginning of my time in Jos, back in 2005. I loved him from the very start, his beautiful smile, the way he crawled around all over and loved to cuddle with me. The very first day I met him I noticed he had a big belly and I was so worried. I picked him up and walked quickly over to the Pediatric HIV clinic and asked our missionary doctor to look at him. He started him on some medicine and said he wasn't worried. So at that point neither was I. Every time he came to see me he never wanted to leave, even when his mom would try to pick him up, he always wanted to stay with me and be near me. He loved sitting on my lap. I saw him grow and learn to walk. Then he started on ARV's and was doing well, his body was strong. There was so much life in him, so much joy. He was a picture of hope to me, despite all the losses I faced from seeing the face of AIDS on a daily basis, I would always think of James and I would smile.

Leaving Nigeria last year was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Saying goodbye to James brought much sadness for the reality of never seeing him again was a possibility that I had to deal with. I was hopeful I would see him again, though since he was doing remarkably well physically. In the back of my mind was still a lingering thought of the finality of death and the reality that James was sick with a deadly virus, no matter how good he looked. He cannot control it, but it controls him. I was looking forward to seeing James this summer when I visit Nigeria. But I heard the shocking news today that James died recently. I don't know any details, but all I do know is that the sorrow I feel today is more than I can bear. I have cried and cried on my knees today to my Father who does all things well. But today I am angry. Why James, God? Why now? Why? I don't know what to say other than I hurt. I don't understand, and I don't know how to respond to this. I have nothing left but tears......

My dear precious James,
How do I say goodbye to you today? I cannot do it, my heart hurts for you. You were four years old, you had so much life in you, why did God have to take you now? You will never sit on my lap again, and never again will my arms hold you. Never again will I look down and see your little arms clinging to my leg. I will not get to see you grow or change, and I will never see your smiling face again. I miss you James and I am crying for you now, but I must release you to Jesus. You are better off by far. One day I too will be where you are. But that day is not today, it's not today.

Love,
Aunty Susan

Washington and Wells

2008-04-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

There he sits on the north side of the Canal street bridge, slouched over on an old blue milk crate, the hoodie from his worn down coat draped over his face. Anything to protect him from the harsh Chicago winds. He rocks back and forth to keep himself warm, his shaky hands hold out a paper cup with a few nickels and dimes in it. The clammering of coins can be heard from down the street. His hands are tired from the same old back and forth, back and forth motion of the paper cup. This cup is the reality of his homelessness; the reality that he has resorted to begging on the streets in order to get by. He is hopeful people who walk bristly past him will give him something. But by sundown his hands hang limp, and his cup is only half-full. His face grows downcast but he still hopes at least one person will notice him. But then, no-one.

My weekly interactions with "J" have caused me to ponder this problem of homelessness. People who are homeless come in all shapes and sizes, they come from various places, and for many reasons they have lost their jobs, their family, and their homes. How do I reach him, what can I do to make a difference? Should I give him money? Should I buy him food? How do I handle this issue? Many people would say that I should stay out of it and that it's not my problem. But it is everyone's problem. We are all responsible to help those who can't help themselves. Maybe "J" made some poor decisions; maybe he cheated, lied, stole something, got into debt, or became an alcoholic or drug addict. Whatever he did to get where he is today, one thing is clear. He needs help. Just one person can change his life. That person is Jesus Christ. Christ can give life and hope to my brother. He needs to see that someone out there loves him, and that he can make a change; have a different life. How will he know unless someone stops by the bridge near Washington and Wells?

We have a message to give the world, and the message which has radically changed my life can change his life. God uses us as his vessels to bring truth and hope for the hopeless, to reconcile people to God. To reconcile "J" to God.

Next time you pass by someone holding a paper cup it could be another "J." You could point them to the one who will change their life. Washington and Wells will never look the same.

As dawn is fast approaching "J" slowly rises from his plastic seat and moves to the south side of the Canal street bridge. He remains there for the night. As the lights grow dim and the passersby dwindle, he hopes to rest for a while. While he drifts off to sleep he prays to God that tomorrow will be different; that he will be the one passing by with a briefcase in one hand and a cup of coffee in another. Maybe tomorrow he tells himself, maybe tomorrow.

"I will tell them Elizabeth"

2008-03-11T17:32:00.000-07:00

I have been home from Nigeria for eight months now and yet still feel very much a part of all that I have left behind. I relate so much to the friendliness and hospitality of the culture, but most of all I relate to the PEOPLE. I miss James, one of my little three-year old HIV kids, and Martha, who is eight and lives in the village. She never spoke more than one word to me, but I know she loved me because when she came to visit she would always want to sit on my lap, and hold my hand. I miss baby Elizabeth (left) who came to us in desperate condition, the AIDS virus had ravished her body. My heart feels a connection to these people in a special way, and I feel like I left a part of my heart there and I won't be okay until I return......so I have decided to go back to Nigeria this May for a two week visit. I pray God will bring confirmation as to where he is calling me. I pray for an amazing joy to serve his people, to love them as Christ did, and to tell all of who our Great God is!

My friend Laura introduced me to a brilliant Christian Australian singer named Brook Fraser, and she wrote a beautiful song called "Albertine." Albertine is one of the young girls she met in Rwanda who touched her heart and changed her life. The song represents her feelings of connection to her experiences in a third world country, and how she is now reconciling the horrific things she saw and experienced with what her life is like now. The chorus goes something like this:

"Now that I have seen, I am responsible, faith without deeds is dead, now that I have held you in my arms I cannot let go....."

That hit me because she is saying how she cannot turn her back now that she knows what it is like for these people who have lived their lives with sorrow upon sorrow and suffer torment we will never grasp. The darkness that Rwandans experience is something we will never understand. How can you forget the desperation of AIDS, and the devastation of being hungry and thirsty for even one drop of water, seeing children eat dirt because of lack of food, and people begging on the streets? Each time she sings that song she remembers the pain of Albertine's life. She wants for others to also see what she has seen, to open people's eyes to the overwhelming poverty and suffering of innocent people who are struggling to survive. Now that I have seen the poverty and suffering of Nigerians I cannot turn my back, and I am responsible. I cannot live life normally here and pretend I don't know what is happening in Nigeria and all over the world. As I write this blog many people are dying in the hospital of AIDS, a baby is being born with HIV, another baby is taking her last breath from AIDS, others who are HIV infected are being treated at Evangel hospital, many children are losing their mothers and fathers at this very moment, to this VIRUS called AIDS. I cannot sit here and do nothing about it. I am compelled because the love of Christ compels me to go. How can I not live my life helping these people? She has perfectly sung how I feel every single day of my life. Her song continues:

"I will tell the world, I will tell them where I have been, I will keep my word, I will tell them Albertine... Rwanda."

Elizabeth was a one-year old baby who I am holding in the above picture. She came to our ministry in such bad shape and very thin. Her body was too sick and she hadn't been eating well for many days. Her mother was also sick with HIV and didn't know she was positive. She found out that day that both her and Elizabeth were sick with HIV. We tried everything to save baby Elizabeth, feeding tubes, IV medicine and other things, but to no avail we lost her about a week later. I was sad when she died and my heart ached. Another innocent life dead and gone, I thought. Another sad situation. When will it end, Lord? When will you come and make things right? When will the suffering stop? Praise God she is now with him in glory. She is the glory baby.

The song of Albertine is also my song, but my song goes something like this: "I will tell the world, I will tell the world where I have been, Nigeria, I will tell them Elizabeth. Now that I have held her dying body in my arms, and seen her frailty, I cannot let her go, but God is calling her. I will tell them Elizabeth. Now that I have seen, I am responsible, I am responsible."

Wherever I go in this life I will tell others about Elizabeth, for she represents the darkness of AIDS in Nigeria, and she is an example of the reality of this devastating virus, but also the hope we cling to. Wherever I go I will tell them Elizabeth....so the world may know, that in the midst of this sorrow there is HOPE in Jesus.

"Yesu Azali Awa"

2007-12-17T17:36:00.002-08:00

This morning while in line at Starbucks I caught a caption on the front page of this mornings Chicago Tribune. The caption read Congo: anguish far exceeds aid. It describes the death of 4 million people and displacement of 800,000 more because of war. While the news focuses on the crisis in Darfur people in the Eastern Congo are suffering unbearably. God longs to show mercy and grace to these precious people. May he send people into the white harvest fields to bring the power of Jesus into the darkness.

As I grabbed my Vanilla Latte I felt a sudden feeling of sadness and guilt for the wealth I have. Here I am drinking four dollar coffee while millions of Congolese people run miles to escape death. Many days go by and I don't even consider those on the other side of the world who have to leave their homeland in search for water, food and shelter. I want to have a bigger heart for prayer and petition for these people. I feel guilty for having so much when many others fight for the basic things of this life that we take for granted. I was not asked to be born into privilege. We don't wonder if the electricity will work or whether the water in our tap is safe to drink. Hundreds of choices of food are available at our fingertips and we have never know what is feels like to be truly hungry. Since coming home I have noticed everything is bigger, better, more efficient and more complicated. When I lived in Nigeria I was more content with what I had because I didn't fall into materialism, and yet here somehow I can't get enough stuff.

I love the group Selah. They grew up in the Congo as missionary kids. They sing many Congolese songs and this one is especially dear to me:

Yesu azali awa
(Jesus is here)

Yesu azali awa
Yesu azali awa

Yesu azali awa na biso
(Jesus is here with us)

Yesu azali awa
Yesu azali awa

Yesu azali awa na biso

Biso toko komo kuna
(We are going there)

Biso toko komo kuna
Biso toko koma kuna na lola
(We are going there to Heaven)

I pray the Congolese people will be comforted by God's love and to know that he is near to them. Those that know him can trust in his promise that one day they will be with him in the glories of Heaven. Come Lord Jesus, come!!

Scotland

2007-11-05T18:30:00.001-08:00

I know this was a long time coming and I said I would show pics of my amazing trip to Scotland and Ireland eventually. Well here they are, but certainly not exhaustive. There are many more I could show, but these are the highlights.
In the airport just arriving in Scotland from Nigeria. It was a long trip there, but an an amazing time visiting Julie and Kate, two friends I met while working in Nigeria. We had a lovely time together and it was a great break and letdown before readjusting to life in America.

In Glascow in front of the University Museum

David Livingstone is one of my missionary heroes. Born in Scotland in 1813, Livingstone was one of the first Westerners to travel across Africa and hoped to find the source of the Nile. In his dying words he said this of his love of Africa:
"All I can add in my loneliness is, May Heaven's richest blessing come down on every one — American, English, Turk — who will help to heal this open sore of the world. And the cross turns not back.' The open sore will be healed. Africa will be redeemed."

This spoke to my heart greatly. My own heart is that God will redeem Africa of it's shame, poverty, corruption, and darkness. May the name of Jesus be heralded in this dark hour in the darkest places where no light has shone before. I am reminded of a story of one Fulani girl. She was a bush girl and came to our HIV clinic in desperately thin condition. She had acquired the HIV infection from a blood transfusion in a bush hospital. Her weight was a mere 78 pounds. As tears rolled down her face, there was desperation and hopelessness in her eyes. I began to share the gospel with her and asked her if I could pray. That day God began a remarkable relationship between her and I. On another occasion I asked H if she knew Jesus and she replied in her own language, "we are blind, we don't know anything about Jesus!" My heart sank. How could H know about Jesus Christ unless someone came and shared the truth with her? Oh may that be my life's goal to bring "Bishara" (good news) to those who have no hope.

A real Scotsman doing a mock show of William Wallace in his Castle.

I was pretending to be the guy from "Chariots of Fire" as he was running on the beach. Well not quite, but at least I had fun.

Me on the beach at St. Andrews in Scotland (the "Mecca" of golf)

The North Anterim Coast in Northern Ireland. We ate fish and chips here and spent time walking along the beach and enjoying the sun shining.

2007-11-05T13:19:00.000-08:00

“Lord I will Bow to You”

“Lord I will bow to you, to no other God but you alone, Lord I will worship you, nothing hands have made, but you alone. I will lay down my idols, the thrones I have made, all that has taken my heart. Lord I will bow to you, to no other God but you alone!”

I continue to lay aside the idols I have placed in my life. God alone deserves all of my praise and honor for he is worthy. I deserved death and yet he has given me life. I am marveling in that today.

Pounded yam

2007-10-10T20:19:00.000-07:00

Some of us from Moody went to Vee-Vee's Nigerian restaraunt last friday. We had such a fun time and everyone loved trying the food. Whether moi-moi, yams or meat pies, they were all for it. Thanks to all who joined us and for the fun birthday surprise :)

Aghhh!! Pounded yam and agussi soup; life is good, oh how I miss it!

Stephanie enjoying her yam!!

"29 Reasons"

2007-10-03T20:03:00.001-07:00

"It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God; that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

1 Corinthians 1:30-31

Today I celebrated my 29th birthday. It is a strange feeling to be another year older. Yet I am marvelling in where God has brought me this last year. I have grown so much and learned what it means to truly trust GOD! I want to send up "29 reasons" I am praising Jesus for today; for what he has done and is doing. They are certainly not in order of importance, but things I am incredibly thankful for.

29. The gift of my salvation-I am realizing more and more every day what it cost HIM to take my penalty upon himself.
28. For bringing me back from Nigeria a changed person-I see the world in such a different light and more importantly I see Jesus more for who he really is; my only hope!
27. Being able to drink tap water-I love just turning the faucet on and filling my glass without having to filter it first.
26.Taking hot showers
25. Fresh smelling laundry-I can't get over how amazing my clothes smell, it makes me want to do laundry every single day!
24. Taking walks outside anytime I want and not worrying about being yelled at or proposed to!
23. The many choices of food at Jewel.
22. Sidewalks
21. My amazing family and church friends that have rallied around me and support me.
20. The generous gift I received a few weeks ago that helped me with my school tuition for this semester.
19. Being at Moody, the most amazing place ever.
18. Open eyes to see the needs of people around me.
17. My beautiful Honda that takes me everywhere.
16. My new job at Northwestern. Thank you Jesus, I don't deserve it but you are so faithful.
15. The many Nigerians I have met who bring such joy to my heart.
14. The free tickets a supporter gave me for a concert at Wheaton last weekend.
13. God's Word which is coming alive to me and bringing me such a sense of peace and joy!
12. My profs who love Jesus so much and encourage my heart and spur me on to adore God's Word. I can't say enough about them.
11. The girls in my prayer group at Moody-thanks girls for praying for me and blessing my life.
10. My niece Maddi who made me a necklace a few weeks ago and told me, "Aunty Susan, this is for the children in Africa!"
9. My friend Heidi who has a heart for Uganda and encourages me and loves to hear my stories; thanks girl, you are precious to me and such an answer to my prayers!
8. The e-mail I got the other day from a couple in the Netherlands who are touched by the work in Nigeria.
7. The free ticket I got on monday for the train from the lady sitting next to me.
6. The extra 10 points I got on my Theology quiz monday, thanks prof!
5. The beautiful message my dad left on my phone today, that one is a keeper!
4. The way God is shining his peace into my soul!
3. The nice gift I got in the mail today for my birthday from a dear friend who was with me in Nigeria.
2. God's unconditional love for me, a sinner.
1. That I can call God my Abba, Father, and he sees me as his child!

These are just 29 ways to praise God; they could never be exhausted. God is so good and he deserves all the praise, adoration and honor.

Abba,
Thank you for giving me life and for loving me. I will never understand the depths of your love; it is only now after 29 years that I am beginning to comprehend in the smallest way why you had to die for me. Your sacrifice was so costly, and in return you ask for my life. I give it Lord, for your glory.

Saying goodbye

2007-08-20T19:23:00.000-07:00

After many weeks of saying goodbye and tons of tears,
many visitors and people praying God's blessing over me,
several parties,
10 days of travelling,
11 flights,
3 different countries,
5 currencies and much anticipation....
I arrived safely back in America at the end of July, my home away from home. To my surprise the reverse culture shock has been so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I know it will take me time to adjust to life here, but I have felt so lost and out of place often. I keep hearing people say, "you're in America now!" Somehow I feel like I am just supposed to forget my experiences and move on. I don't know how do that. Nigeria has made such an impact on me, and was a huge part of life for two years. I have been forced into the fast paced society we live in and I am not ready yet. I am trying so hard to prevent my heart from the busyness of life here, but to no avail I am back in the craziness just like everyone else. I know that moving on is a part of life, but what about the amazing life I lived in Nigeria? How can I erase the memories of dancing with the VVF women, speaking Hausa with people, holding my beautiful HIV babies, seeing James grow, sharing the gospel with Isa and Abrahim on the streets? How can I tell you of all that I have seen, heard and witnessed with my very eyes? The devastation of AIDS, the hunger of children, the cries of the faint hearted who weep with little solace, the joy of seeing a life changed by the love of Jesus Christ.

I know that my God is faithful and will mend my heart back together. Each week I am feeling more comfortable with life here. I want to fully embrace all that God has, for such a time is this. Life at Moody has been so amazing so far, words cannot describe. The Moody update will be another entry to look forward to next time! I also will share more about my trip to Scotland and Ireland. It was such a refreshing time for me, praise GOD.

It's good to be back on the blog scene, stay tuned!!

Missing Nigeria

2007-08-16T18:48:00.000-07:00

I am missing Nigeria today, as I do most days. The other night I was looking at a slideshow of pictures from Nigeria and cried harder than ever. As I remembered so many of our children who are living with HIV, my heart was sad. I miss seeing them and being a part of their lives. It's strange to be here in my home country and feel like a stranger. I often greet people and ask them how is work, and how is today, like I did in Nigeria, but people give me a blank stare. Those things I said and did there mean nothing here. It's a different world. Sometimes I catch myself saying "Kai" (wow), but no-one understands me. I am learning how to move on from my life in Nigeria and yet acknowledge what an impact it had on my life all at the same time. I feel as though I left a part of my heart there; and it won't be okay until I get it back. Like I am not whole. But I know I am whole in Jesus. He is everything to me, and fills my heart with divine joy and peace. I want to be like Jim Elliott and "be all here" so I can serve God's people with all that I am. I pray my heart continues to long more for HIM in the midst of feeling like no-one understands me. I realize God has a whole new harvest field for me here. I just need to be open to His Spirit leading me. Joy is a single mom and has James who is 4 years old and also positive.
Abraham came in with terrible sores on his head from HIV, and once he started treatment he improved so much and his sores went away.
My little Martha who warms my heart. She is living with her mom on a one inch mat on the floor in her small one room house. She is the sweetest thing and always loves to give me hugs and hold my hand!
Shaibu has gone from death to life! I am in such awe by his dramatic recovery, and so thankful to God for his second chance.
Shamma is a precious miracle also, but lost his mom Rose a few months ago to AIDS. He is now living with his grandmother who is beside herself, and unable to care for him well. The last time I saw him he had reduced weight again and looked very sick.
Gift is truly a gift. Her mother died of AIDS about 6 months ago, and her twin sister died suddenly a few months ago also. I suspect the twin was positive, although we will never know for sure. I worked hard with her aunty who is now caring for her to ensure she was feeding the baby well. She has learned a lot and doing a great job. She came to visit me twice before I left and brought the baby. It was so special. I really miss seeing the baby grow. I pray she is negative.
Isa is such a joy. His mother died of AIDS and because he was extra small since birth we always assumed he was positive. He was taking ARV's for over 6 months. But after testing him multiple times and getting negative results, we were dumfounded. His CD4 count is very low, yet the test shows no antibodies of HIV present??? The only indication for a low CD4 count is the presence of HIV. We cannot explain it...he is a mystery baby. But cute nonetheless.
Israel is God's chosen one for sure. He was almost dead and so skeletal before starting treatment. Clinically their is no way he would have survived, but God has a plan for his life and sustained him. He is a beautiful picture of God's redemptive plan and saving grace.

Neither here nor there

2007-07-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

I was in Old Navy the other day and totally overwhelmed with all the nice clothes, none of which I deserve. One blue t-shirt had a catchy statement on the front that said "neither here nor there." It perfectly describes how I feel at this very moment. I am neither in Nigeria nor America.....I have come to terms with leaving my amazingly challenging and joyful life in Nigeria, a place where I had to trust God for every little detail. It was easy to trust in Him because of the various tensions, sorrows and stress of living in a place where there is no order, where death is a daily happening, riots are common, many people are living on one meal a day and innocent babies are dying of AIDS. I had to cling to Jesus or I would have burned out a long time ago. Even though I am not living that life anymore, I am not here in America either. Sure I am physically here, but my mind is still in Nigeria. I have found it extremely difficult adjusting back to life on this side of the world. I feel lost. I have changed so much, yet how do I live that change in the midst of a world that is moving so quickly. I feel like I am juggling two worlds, how do I reconcile both at the same time? The pictures I have in my mind of the suffering and sick people in Nigeria contrast so much with the health and wealth of America. I am afraid of fully letting go of Nigeria for fear that I will forget what my life was like. Like the smell of kosai being sold on the side of the road, the beggar kids on the street who I would also greet in Hausa and preach the gospel to, the beautiful faces of so many who are in my heart, the precious children who gave me hope through their smiles.

I was in the grocery store the other day and felt a terrible feeling come over me. How could I have all this food when so many people in Nigeria are going hungry? Tears came streaming down. It's not fair. Things have come into perspective for me like never before. I have a clearer understanding of wants and needs. At this point most things come under the category of want. I praise God for all that he daily provides for me.

I am rejoicing that I am home for a while to enjoy family and friends and yet my heart longs for Nigeria. I know I need to find my total contentment and hope in the Lord and move forward. But I don't know how to do that. How do I move forward without looking back too much and desiring that which is behind me? I guess it's a daily surrendering and giving over to Jesus my feelings, fears and desires. I know He will do with them what he wants.

At the end of the day I have realized that this mentality I have is actually a blessing. It's how we are supposed to live. Our citizenship is in Heaven and I am praising God because this world is not our final destination. God has prepared a place for those of us who know HIM where we will live forever. I can't wait till that day when I will see him face to face, throw my crowns before him and fall at his feet. He has broken me and caused me to cry out in desperation for him. I am longing for him today. for his grace, his mercy and healing water to wash over my soul. May His love and faithfulness be so real to me during this time.

What about you? Are you longing for a better country, a world with eternal joy and peace? Or are you living for the temporary possessions this world offers you? I hope it's the former....

So I guess being neither here nor there is a good thing. I think I will stay here for a while. As hard as it is right now, it's teaching me to not rest in where in the world I am, but in who I am. I am in Christ no matter what country I am living in.

Number 1......

2007-07-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

Many of you have asked me what has been my number "1" amazing experience in Nigeria. Sorry I left you in suspense for a while. Here it is!!! As I think about my time in Nigeria, no experience made more of an impact on my life than being involved with the Musa family. As I look at this picture of three generations in their family, my heart is sad. Why you ask? because two of those generations have died (Ladi and her mother) and left orphans to face this cold, dark world alone..... Kyauta, Ladi and Rebekah on Christmas Eve, 2005 (granddaughter, mother and grandmother).

I remember that day like it was yesterday. Erin and I had an amazing time of encouragement with them, and walked away so blessed. Little did we know that Rebekah would deteriorate rapidly those next few days and pass away by January. The next days and weeks after Rebekah and Ladi's deaths were extremely painful. It took a long time to recover from their losses. I marvel in the fact that Rebekah was a believer and Ladi came to know Jesus just weeks before her death. Ladi's legacy lives on and has made a significant impact on my life. I will never forget those moments when I heard her singing and praising God as she lay dying in the hospital. I earnestly pray now her sister Ruth who is also living with HIV, experiences the same undeniable joy and supernatural power of the living God in her life. Ruth remains in bondage to her sin and is walking in the darkness of drugs and alcohol and stuck in a bad relationship. I know Jesus can set her free. Anyone who is set free shall be free indeed! Please pray along with me for Ruth. God's heart breaks for her to know HIM.

Ruth, Ladi's other sister and Mercy.

Ruth is single and has no children. We are still praying for her to come to know Jesus as her Savior. Mercy has proclaimed to know Jesus.

Mercy and her baby Rebekah named after their late mother. Becky died at the tender age of sixth months of unknown causes.

Ladi and me when she was very sick in the hospital

Ladi and the kids at their family house several months before she died.

John is Ladi's younger brother and is also an orphan, besides losing his mother Rebekah in January 2006, his father also died several years ago. Ladi left two children, Jerry and Kyauta. It has been a joy to help these kids. Kids in Africa are so used to death, it is a daily way of life for them and they aren't allowed to grieve or deal well emotionally with death. As orphans, they were left to fend for themselves, and forced to grow up way before their time.

A world away....

2007-07-17T13:15:00.000-07:00

I officially left Nigeria last monday, and attempted to blog before then but had no nepa for nearly two days prior and the internet was down, hence the late entry. I arrived safely in Scotland last tuesday and have had an amazing time of refreshment and plenty of high adventure as well. Between climbing to the top of the Wallace Monument (named after Sir William Wallace-if you have no idea who he is just watch Braveheart), squishing my toes on the beach at St. Andrews (the Mecca of golf), roaming the streets of Edinburgh, visiting Stirling Castle, visting many friends from Nigeria (Fiona, Todd's, Ward's, Kate and Julie), eating fish and chips and much more, I have been busy and am loving every minute of being here. I have also enjoyed fresh fruit, real milk, nice cheese, hot showers, tap water and walking around with clean feet. Nigeria seems like a world away and it feels as if my departure was years ago. How strange this transition has been for me. How difficult it was to pack up my life there in two suitcases and say goodbye to precious friends. I miss my life there already, but am trustng God's plan for me is bigger than the plan I have for myself.

Despite tasting Starbucks, pastries, ice cream, nice chocolate and other material things here, they don't compare to the life of ministering to AIDS patients and helping the sick, the suffering and the poor of Nigeria. The truth is I am changed, and life will never be the same for me because I have seen the face of AIDS. I can never turn my back from that brutal reality. I can not just go through life the way it was before without thinking of Shaibu, James, Abigail, Shamma and many more people I worked with in Jos who are living with HIV. I can't do it and I don't want to. May God help me as I leave for America tomorrow and transition back into life on the other side of the world. That world awaits me with a harvest of people who need to hear about Jesus. May I be found faithful in sharing the truth with them.

I leave tomorrow morning for Charlotte and will spend thursday and also friday morning debriefing with my missionary family from SIM, then on home to Chicago friday afternoon. Thanks for those of you who have stood by me, supported me and prayed for me during my journey in Nigeria. You are all such a blessing to me. Hope to see many of you soon!!!

2 days.....

2007-07-07T08:41:00.001-07:00

2. One of the best parts of my job was working with the children! Words can hardly describe what a joy it was to teach women how to feed their babies well, and to give them grains which helped to sustain their lives. Each of the babies you see below at one time was very sickly but now are each looking amazing. I bask in their improvements and cling to the hope they have brought in the midst of despair. Being able to help these kids has kept me going and spurred me on in this work. Shaibu has made the most dramatic recovery from a mere 7 pounds at 10 months old. Now he is over one and walking. His weight is normal and he is thriving, but a bit feisty and wants no-one other than grandma!!
Abigail has also improved so much. She is looking much healthier and the rash that once covered most of her body is gone.
WE are unsure if Gift is HIV positive, her twin sister died a few months ago, and her mother was HIV positive. At first she was small and a bit sickly, but now growing and so adorable. Her aunty is taking care of her along with her other 5 children.
Shamma is another one of our miracles. Sad to say his mother died just over a month ago. Her battle with AIDS was finally over.

James is my favorite baby, but don't tell anyone. He is my little precious one!! I will miss him the most of all the kids.....He has gained so much weight and if his belly sticks out anymore he will fall over! It makes me so happy.
Isa is a mystery. He once tested positive and started on drugs, but after doing an additional test last week, he has tested negative. We are floored but so encouraged by his status now. I will never forget the day I went to see him at home and was able to tell his grandmother that he was free of the virus, what a joy it was!!

3 days.....

2007-07-06T14:10:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Ritmwa (Grace) singing in a special worship time at her church

3. One aspect of Nigerian culture and life I appreciate is the way Nigerians are active worshippers. They don't just sit, but have such joy in praising Jesus and raise their hands while dancing and singing with all their hearts. Whether they have a good voice or not they belt it out without caring what others think. It has really blessed my heart and spurred me on to lift high the name of Jesus. The act of worship has been given a whole new meaning after being here!

4 days.....

2007-07-05T14:45:00.001-07:00

4. Several weeks ago me and a few other staff from Spring of Life travelled to the village of J to visit one of our eight year old clients named Martha. We went to deliver a mattress for the family. They had been sleeping on a paper thin mat on the floor in their one room house. After visiting and taking food with them, we presented the gift. Mama Martha began to sing and dance with such joy as evidenced by her immedietely breaking into a tribal dance and waving her arms in the air. I wish you could have all been there to see her thankfulness to God for providing a bed for them to sleep on. It was truly an amazing sight and one that I will never forget.
Mama Martha dancing for joy

Mrs. Akwai and me eating Guate together, a common Nigerian food containing Spinach and used often as a soup
Martha and me

a family stares at the white people driving by

village women carrying their kaya (load)

5 days.....

2007-07-04T06:26:00.000-07:00

".....to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of morning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair!"

Every day I work with women who are used and abused, mistreated, disrespected, and taken advantage of by men. Whether it's a married woman with a husband has several wives or a young single woman whose boyfriend is pretending to be a Godly man while living a double life, women in Nigeria are suffering. They have no voice. Last month I hosted a women's forum where a speaker encouraged us to find our indentity in Christ alone and not identify ourselves by the man next to us. Mostly Nigerian women attended, and I am so thankful God is using that time in teaching women to respect themselves and learn how to accept God's love for them. Tonight I spent my holiday hosting Part 2 of our women's forum. Just under 20 women came and our spirit's were again uplifted by reading about "beauty for ashes" from Isaiah 61. The same speaker Fume exhorted us to recognize our ashes and take them to God. To lift those ashes of grief, sorrow, dissapointments and suffering from the way we as women are looked at in society, and to stand confidently in Christ!

For myself I realize the way I have felt as a woman here is not the way God sees me. Every single time I walk anywhere men are yelling at me that they want to marry me, or they stare and make comments. It's been hard dealing with this issue, and I still don't know how to reconcile it. I came away tonight feeling blessed and being reminded again that I am in CHRIST, and that He takes great delight in me!

5. It has been an amazing challenge working with women who are used to being rejected and cast aside. It pains me to see their oppression and the darkness they live in. I love encouraging young women and helping them to see how much God loves them. They need to be empowered to say no to abuse, and stand firm in their relationship with God. He will turn their sorrow into dancing, and wipe away their stains of shame and give them pure white gowns to wear!

6 days.....

2007-07-03T06:37:00.000-07:00

6.I really enjoyed travelling to the village of Jengre, and doing HIV testing with a a health care team. That day during post-test counseling two men came to know Jesus Christ as their Savior! It was an amazing time witnessing them confess Jesus and desire to walk with HIM. One of the men even asked me, "how much do I have to pay for Jesus?" I told him that the beauty is salvation is a free gift from God, WOW!!! I have never had anyone ask that question before....

The countdown begins!

2007-07-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

Today the one week countdown begins, and it is officially crazy!!!! Every day I have people coming over to greet me and say goodbye. This morning one of my clients from work came to greet me at 7:30 am with her four month old baby. You never know when people will come by. Between packing, giving things away, running to and from work, buying gifts, organizing my house and etc.....I am so busy. Transitioning is never easy, and I feel like no matter how much I do in advance to prepare for a move, it always ends up like this anyway. I will attempt to share seven memorable experiences I have had here (not in any order of significance), one for each day that I have remaining in Nigeria!! Enjoy....

7. I loved speaking at home-based care trainings and educating people about HIV. It was such a joy to know that we were empowering them to make positive choices for preventing the spread of this virus in their own lives and the lives of people in their churches. Our prayer is that they will choose life and embrace those in their communities that are living positively!

"Godiya, Godiya ga Allah"

2007-06-26T05:14:00.000-07:00

"Godiya, godiya ga Allah, mun kawo godiyanmu agabunka ya Allah!" God we thank you and praise your name!" Those words bellow the halls of the VVF ward every tuesday as the women gather to celebrate their healing from VVF. I too can be found singing those beautiful words, because I have become part of the women here. Though we don't always speak the same language, I have come to build special relationships with them. Those will not be forgotten. My Tuesday Bible time with them has been a huge blessing in my life, and I will truly miss coming. This morning I shared from God's Word, sang and danced with them for the last time. With tears in my eyes I shared how much God loves them, and that I love them. Though I may never see the fruits of my labor, I trust that a seed has been planted in their hearts. I pray many of these women come to know Jesus. Not just Jesus as a prophet and wise man, but Jesus who is the son of God and Savior of the world.

As my departure is fast approaching, I am slowly saying goodbye to every part of my life here. Though painful, it is necessary in moving on. I will never forget my time here. Ministry at the VVF has been a bright beacon of hope amongst the despair and sorrow of AIDS.

"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm! Let nothing move you. Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

1 Corinthians 15:58

Bundles of JOY!!

2007-06-22T14:11:00.000-07:00

My friend Hajara just had a beautiful baby boy on tuesday evening. He is so precious and weighs over 9 pounds. We all think he looks just like his dad. This is a great goodbye gift for me knowing Hajo and her new baby are safe and doing well! By God's grace she will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow.

My friend Dupe came to my house this week and brought her twin girls Grace and Glory who are three months old. In Hausa Dupe is also referred to as "Mama yambiyu" which means mother of the twins. Dupe is HIV positive and feeding the twins infant formula so their risk of acquiring HIV is small. They are growing well, although Grace (fair one) is much smaller than Glory. I pray they stay healthy and remain HIV negative....

A tribute to my dad

2007-06-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

On this Father's Day I want to say a special word to my dad, who I have a great respect for. He is a man of his word, has a tender heart for people and never complains, but takes life as it comes. Whether he is bailing me out of a car flood, helping to change my oil in the car, getting tax stuff for me, or giving me advice, he has always been there for me. I miss my dad today. He is a man of integrity and very loyal. A realtor for over 25 years, my dad has been a hard worker and always faithful to those he is serving. He keeps to his promises, and wants the best for his customers. They all respect him and keep coming back to him because he has expertise in the field, and will try to get them a great deal. He knows his stuff.....

My dad is an avid Cubs fan and a super golfer! His golfing buddies know him as "The Commish" because he organizes their tournaments and keeps times. They all look to dad for his leadership and they know he will play fair. They also love him for his humor. He always has a joke or a funny story to tell. My dad loves his coconut cream pie from Baker's Square when we celebrate family birthdays. He makes the best stuffing at Thanksgiving, a skill he learned from his dad year after year at Turkey time.

Thanks for being my dad, for loving me through good and bad times. Thanks for showing me what it means to be loyal and dedicated. I love you very much, and wish I was there to spend this day with you.

See you in a few weeks!!!

Love your youngest daughter,

Susan :)

What is pizza???

2007-06-16T14:29:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago I invited some friends from Evangel over for pizza so I could spend more time with them before I leave. They all asked me what is pizza? They stared at it for a while looking unsure about trying this wierd food that Americans rave about. Josephine, Lami, Theresa and Ladi

Lami is one of the most joyful people I have ever met in my entire life. She is a widow with five children and living with HIV. Her husband died of HIV and only after his death did she too find out her status. She has brought much joy and sunshine to my life. I will miss her dearly.
The women are jubilating and dancing
Jospehine and Bulus enjoying pizza for the first time

Too young to die

2007-06-15T15:59:00.000-07:00

Baby Elizabeth came to us a week ago monday at 10 and a half months weighing a bleak 6.5 pounds. My friend Kyenpiya saw Elizabeth and her mother Sarah at the market and seeing that they both were sickly looking and very thin, she asked them to come and get an HIV test. To no surprise they were both HIV positive. I am encouraged at ther boldness and desire to help this poor woman and her baby. Elizabeth could only wimper, and was eating so poorly. She looked like she was starving to death. We weren't sure whether the baby was literally starving, or if she had full blown AIDS already. She was so hungry and would eat as if she hadn't eaten for days. They admitted her to the hospital and put a tube in her nose for feeding. Kara and I went to visit them daily bringing them food, clothes and others things. We prayed with her and tried to encourage her to hang on. The level of poverty in this family was so sad for us to see. Sarah continued to wear the same clothes day after day. She herself could not be more than 80 pounds. We encouraged her to hold onto her faith in Jesus and to put her trust and hope in him. It boggles my mind the level of ignorance and lack of education and resources these peole have. Sarah had no idea that she herself or her baby were so sick. How could she not know? How could she wait so long to bring her baby for treatment? I will never as long as I live understand this. I am so sad because she could have been helped months ago, and yet she continued to starve month after month until a stranger on the street had to tell her to go and get help. There is something so wrong with that.

We tried so many things to sustain the baby's life, tube feedings, IV fluids, antibiotics and even put her into the ICU. But to no avial, all of our efforts seemed in vain. God took Elizabeth home this morning. She died at 9 a.m. Her mother came to us in tears and totally devastated. She took her back to their village for her buriel today. Yet another baby has died and I couldn't stop it. Nothing I did made a difference in the end. I am so angry. I refused to go and see the baby for fear I would have another meltdown, can't do that to myself. This is the third baby we have lost in the last two weeks. The only thing I can do is to trust in God's Sovereignty. I must cling to God's amazing love and goodness. Elizabeth was too young to die and I don't understand, but I guess I don't have to.

I covet your prayers as I deal with these situations that seem utterly hopeless. One verse that I am clinging to is Psalm 119:28, "My soul is weary with sorrow, strengthen me according to your word......I run in the paths of your commands for you have set my heart free!" Praise HIM for I am free, Jesus has set me free.

A moment with a Leper

2007-06-12T10:12:00.000-07:00

"A man with Leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man, "I am willing," he said. "Be Clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured." Last week Kara and I went to Blindtown, an outreach to Muslims where many people are suffering from Leprosy and blindness. We gave much needed drugs to those who are unable to come to the hospital for care. This woman had Leprosy in her hands, feet and eyes. This disease eats away at the nerves and results in numbess of the affected parts. Often times when those with Leprosy bump themselves or trip on something, they don't realize they have an infection in the leg or foot because their body doesn't register pain. It severely affects their mobility and quality of life.

She is considered an outcast and yet had an amazing smile and warmth about her. When we entered her one room house, I greeted her in Hausa, "Sannu mama, ina yuni, ya ya gida, ya ya jiki?" I immediately put out my hand to shake hers. She smiled and slowly placed her right stubby hand into mine. Because of the Leprosy she was missing all fingers on both hands. I wonder what she thought at that very moment? not many people are willing to touch a Leper for fear they will too get it. Even though it is a contagious disease, one must spend a significant amount of time in close quarters with a person with active disease to actually contract it. Most of the people here have been suffering with Leprosy for many years.

We saw another man with Leprosy who struggled to crawl up a large set of cement stairs into the room where we were giving medicine and taking blood pressures. I offerred to help him up the stairs which is considered culturally innapropriate. It is not acceptable to touch a Muslim man unless for example he offers his hand out to you first. I guess that was one time I was not following the cultural norm. I felt so humbled and helpless when he refused my help, but I understood and realized afterwards it was not the best idea. But God's love is so much bigger than cultural standards, bigger than gender and any kind of sickness. His love covers us all, even the most unclean. There is not pit where his love is not deeper still.

During those short moments with these precious people, I was reminded of Jesus. I smiled as I thought about how he healed the man with Leprosy, and how much love he had for him. I pray that our example of Jesus' love will show them the healing power of Jesus to save and to make them clean again. I pray they will know him as Savior someday!

EMS kids

2007-06-11T14:06:00.001-07:00

Last week me and Kara went with a few other girls to EMS, a missions school for Nigerian missionary children whose parents are living in remote areas. We sang, danced and played games with them. They are so precious!!

The kids are enjoying dancing

Kara greeting the children

Me and Jael

Peter and Paul

2007-06-08T02:06:00.000-07:00

Meet Peter and Paul, a set of twins whose mother is HIV positive. They came to see me a few months ago, and were extremely small, as twins usually are. We began giving the mother infant formula for them. Since she has been feeding them well they have grown leaps and bounds, and as you can see are happy and healthy. I am so amazed and thankful for their improvement these last months. It is truly a miracle.

Thank you God for this success story, may there be many more like this........

Losing Rejoice

2007-06-06T12:41:00.000-07:00

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. "

Psalm 68:19

For the last few months I have been working with a client and her baby whose name is Rejoice. At first, the baby was very fat and healthy looking. But over the last month she reduced weight and was very sick. I had been hearing that the mother would go out and lock the door leaving the baby alone with the 9 year old son. She would be found crying and crying, not being fed enough. Her neighbor who is also a client of ours has testified that there is obvious neglect. One night Rejoice's mom saw that the baby was dying, her breathing slowing, so she panicked and called her neighbor. The neighbor was the one that convinced her to bring the baby for the hospital. When she brought the baby and I saw how malnourished and small she was, I was so disgusted, especially after hearing about the neglect and poor responsibility of her mother. That day after seeing how thin she had become, I had grown so discouraged. But the baby was put on admission in the hospital and got much better. I saw a glimmer of hope that maybe her mother was waking up the reality of parenting, and would change her ways after almost losing her 8 month old. I have had to deal with such anger at her for how she is treating the baby. I went to her house one day and tried to talk with her seriously about taking better care of her baby. I told her that if she didn't take care of Rejoice very well that the baby would die. She kind of smiled and acted nonchalantly, and that made me even more upset. This is not a joke; this is a precious life; an innocent baby who has been born to an HIV positive mother who may also be positive with this deadly virus. After many of us tried talking with her, she continued in her behavior. My fears came true when I found out that Rejoice died last tuesday. I was beside myself, so upset and angry at her mother. I have asked myself over and over, was there something else I could have done to stop this? did I do enough? could I have saved the baby? what could I have done to prevent this? I feared what I would say to her mother upon seeing her. I have been praying that God would help me to love this woman as terrible as she is. She knew how sick she was, and said she never had money for transport to the hospital, yet had money to go out and run around doing who knows what. It's almost like she wanted the baby to die. She came to see me yesterday, and God's grace was amazing, as it always is. She sat down and I started crying, saying how sorry I was and asked her what happened. The most amazing thing is that when I looked at her all I saw was love, and felt compassion. I reminded her of our conversation, and told her I hoped that she did everything she could do for the baby to care for her. She just kept saying, "it's no problem, no problem." I asked her how she could say it's no problem. She said she had done her best, and that God knew he would take the baby when He did.

I thank God for helping me deal with this situation in His strength, not my own. Please pray for Helen, that she would be convicted of her sin and turn to God. Only God really knows her heart. It's not for us to judge or condemn her. Pray for my heart as I deal with another terrible loss....

Like so many other situations I deal with on a daily basis, I have to again come before His throne of grace and ask for help, because I don't understand. I don't have the answer, but must rest in His absolute Sovereignty and allow Him to bear my burdens, and the burdens of many around me.

Welcome Kara!!

2007-05-31T14:20:00.000-07:00

My friend Kara came on tuesday to visit me from Wheaton. I am so thankful for her support, and I pray her time here is life changing. Today we went to a village called Gyero. Over 70 boys and 12 girls live here. Many of them are orphaned and used to live on the street. They receive free health care, education and food as well as discipleship and spiritual encouragement.

Boys playing games outside

These are the precious girls who are new to Gyero. Before this, only boys were staying there.

Mount Zion is not far away.....

2007-05-26T07:59:00.000-07:00

I have been getting to know Ladi's younger sister Ruth this last year. I am not sure if she knows Jesus, but I had a neat opportunity to share with her last week. She has been in an abusive relationship for a long time now. She moved back to her family house last week, and said she has gotten out of the relationship. During our visit, as I looked at her badly beaten face, she had a big gash on the left cheek bone and swollen lip as well as puffy eyes. She looked so tired and ashamed. We got there by 10:30 am and she was still sleeping. She could barely get out of bed. We began to share about Jesus with her, and she has made the first step by leaving. I shared with her how she can make a choice to get out of this relationship, that with Jesus she can have a new start. I am proud of her for moving back home, and know if she trusts in God, he can deliver her out of this darkness. She can be set free from the prison she is living in. For a brief moment when I looked at her from the side, I thought I was seeing Ladi.....it caught me by surprise and was as if Ladi was sitting right next to me. I paused for a minute, then I told Ruth how before her big sister died, she knew Jesus. I said to Ruth in tears, "Before Ladi died, she knew Jesus in her heart... you can know Jesus too!" It was one of those moments I will never forget. I felt such joy as I remembered Ladi's transformation those last days of her life. Despite the desperation of Ruth's plight, I was filled with an amazing peace as I felt God saying to hang on and continue sharing the hope of Christ with her. As I talked she kept her head down, but at one point in the conversation she looked up at me with tears in her eyes. That was the first time I had ever seen her cry. Until now she has been untouchable, never had a problem, everything was always fine and she never needed anything from anyone. What was happening to Ruth? God was breaking her down slowly, the ice was melting and he was softening her heart. After we talked and cried, Ruth was very quiet. She was really contemplating everything and I could tell God was working on her. I knew she would need time to think about all the things we shared with her. It takes time for people to break free from bondage.

She said she had been having trouble seeing since the incident, so I asked her to come and see the eye doctor on friday. The picture above is the following monday after seeing the doctor. When I walked to the front door of work, there she was sitting on the bench with a huge smile on her face. She looked ten times better, the scars fading from her face. It was like she was a different person. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen her smile. She greeted me warmly and we had a great chat. The big issue Ruth must face now is that of having no money. She doesn't have a job, and needs to learn some skills so she can take care of herself. Her boyfriend was paying for everything, and she didn't need to have a job before. Please pray for Ruth this week. I am going to take her to a ministry that teaches women how to sew and I pray she agrees. God can provide for all her needs, but she need to also learn how to take responsibility for her own life.

I am so excited words cannot explain.......to see Ruth breaking free is amazing. I pray she too accepts the free gift that is offerred to her. The gift of Jesus Christ.

Psalm 126:1 says it all

"When the Lord brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed (men restored to health)!" May Ruth's song ever be that Jesus set her free and restored her life.

Mount Zion is not far away, God did it for Ladi and he will do it for Ruth......

Saying goodbye to James

2007-05-25T09:12:00.000-07:00

Well, it is official. The countdown has begun, and I leave Nigeria in six weeks. Yesterday I had to say goodbye to my little James, who is my favorite. He is two years old and has been coming for over a year now with his mom. Whenever he sees me he runs up to me with an eager look on his face, and raises his arms high so I will pick him up. I love when he does that! His mom Joy is a single mother and has it pretty hard. They are living in another state and only come every few months to pick up their ARV medicine. I know this goodbye is only the beginning of goodbyes for me these next weeks. The reality is, the life of a missionary is a life of goodbyes. This is always the hardest part for me. I pray that James grows to live a long life but more importantly that he grows to love Jesus!!! Goodbye James, sai mun hadu......

"Babu Kanjamau"

2007-05-24T14:28:00.000-07:00

We have a little baby named Isa (above) who was very sick at birth and whose mother died of AIDS. He has been living with his grandmother since birth. We assumed he was positive and started him on ARV's to save his life. He grew very well and gained weight, was healthy and then we tested him and he was NEGATIVE!!!! It was so amazing to us all and we were exstatic. I got the privilege last week of visiting his family, and telling the grandmother that he does not have HIV. What a great feelings it was to say that, I have never been able to do that before. His grandmother broke down in tears with joy that her grandson was free of the horrible virus that took her daughter's life. You can't imagine the weight that was lifted that day. So besides taking her grandson Isa, she also has four of her own and also her brother's baby. Women here often take many children that are not their own and care for them.

Fatima, Hauwa and ????, three of her girls. The baby above is the new addition, she is Safiya and the grandmother's niece. Then the last baby (who is her own child) was sleeping during the pictures...

Searching for Simi

2007-05-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

Her name is Simi and she is fifteen years old. She is an orphan; her father died many years ago and her mother, who abandoned her when she was three months old, died just three months ago. Simi had been living with her grandmother since she was a baby. She was one of our clients for the last few years and taking ARV's from our hospital here. We saw Simi on a regular basis, but all of a sudden she stopped coming, and we heard she was hanging with the wrong crowd and stopped taking her ARV's. We called her to come to our place so we could talk and counsel with her. Her grandmother brought her, and sure enough she admitted to stopping her drugs. On several other occasions, many of us tried to talk with her about changing her behaviors, but all of our attempts failed. Soon after that visit, Simi's grandmother came to us in tears to say that Simi had run away. A friend of her's had been a bad influence on her and was convincing her to make unwise decisions. Last we heard she was still in Jos somewhere but we haven't seen her since last year.

I have been thinking about her lately with a heavy heart, and decided to visit her grandmother today. To my surprise her grandmother hasn't seen her since last September when she came to stay with her for a month, but then disappeared again. She said she hears Simi is around, but that she hasn't come to see her. With worry and fear written all over her face, she fears the worst for her precious grandaughter. I asked of the friend that initially got Simi involved in this crowd, and to my horror, they said her friend recently died of AIDS. Their are so many young girls here like Simi who are involved in high risk behaviors which increase their chances of getting HIV. Simi is already positive, but because she is not adherant to her therapy, the virus is growing much faster and stronger than before. If she tried to start back on the drugs, they would not work for her anymore, and she would become sick very quickly.

I pray that Simi realizes that this life she is living will only lead to dissapointments and misery. Their is no joy or peace apart from Jesus Christ. Worldly pleasures are fleeting and temporary to say the least. Please pray along with me for Simi. Pray for her safe return, and like the prodigal son who was lost, that she will be found again.

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he find it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ' Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep."

Luke 15:3-6

Moody here I come!!

2007-05-11T13:11:00.005-07:00

Today I found out I am officially accepted to Moody Graduate School for this fall semester. Praise God for the exciting news! I know this will be an amazing time for me. I am confident my experiences here in Nigeria will help give me insight into my time at Moody. I look forward to the next chapter of my life.....Moody here I come!!!!!

Proverbs 16:9 says:

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

**Thank you, Lord Jesus for directing my steps up to this point. You are the author of my life, and I trust in your Sovereign will for me for such a time is this!**

Starting Over

2007-05-09T12:34:00.000-07:00

Nearly three months after burying her six month old baby, Ngosonom is starting over. After leaving her baby to rest in the village, she has been in a sewing program here at the VVF Center. With a renewed sense of hope and purpose in life, Ngosonom is learning many sewing skills and improving every day. She is now making dresses, skirts and decorative pieces.

In terms of her physical health, she is not completely healed and will have her third surgery tomorrow morning. From what the doctors say, she many never be fully healed, which means she could be leaking forever. With God all things are possible. It's been a long road for her, but God is faithful and is helping to sustain her. I found out recently her husband doesn't want her anymore because of her problem and drove her out of their home. That explains why he has never come to see her in the 10 months she has been in Jos. After surgery and rehab she will return to her parents home. My heart bleeds for her plight, with little support from her family and husband, she feels very alone. It's hard not to be sad for her.

I am so blessed to be able to spend much time with Ngosonom and pour into her life. Even though communication has been a problem, her Hausa is getting much better. What a joy to see her truly starting a new life and feeling joyful again. Regardless of what the outcome is for her, she is loved by God and knows of His love for her.

Pray for Rain

2007-05-08T14:37:00.000-07:00

The water board has been on strike for almost a week now, and there is no city water coming in. Our two water tanks are almost empty and the water crisis is elevating. We have been seriously praying for rain this last week. We were using the rain water to flush toilets and do laundry. On saturday someone sent a Water for Life tanker to help fill our tanks some, but then the Lord did something amazing. He sent a terrential downpour and our tanks were filled to the maximum. What a joy it was watching the rain fall and thanking GOD for it. I am going to pray for rain more often.!!!

Memories of Murline

2007-05-06T13:48:00.003-07:00

Today I found out one of my neighbors from Wheaton died suddenly last week. Me and two high school friends lived next door to her for two years, and I have many fond memories of standing on our front porch talking and laughing with her. She always had a witty joke or story to tell us. She was very sociable and always greeting us and cared about the little details of our lives. She treated us like her daughters. One of her favorite hobbies was gardening. She turned her front yard and our's, into something quite remarkable.

I remember when we were moving out we had a garage sale, and all the neighbor ladies were so sad to say goodbye to us, especially Murline. She bought my couch and some other things from me. I don't think she really needed them, but wanted to help me and knew I needed the money. That was Murline. She had a real giving heart. She was also partnering with me through monthly support for God's work here in Nigeria.

It's sad not being at home to attend her funeral, but I look forward to visiting with the other neighbors when I come home. Sunderland Court will not be the same without Murline, though. Her presence will be dearly missed.

Thankful today

2007-05-02T08:13:00.000-07:00

Today I had a training program with the workers in the PEPFAR program and we discussed ARV's, how and when to give, and how to encourage adherence to therapy. We also talked about nutrition and how important it is for clients on ARV's to eat a balanced diet. After saying this, one of the counselors laughed. He procedeed to say how the statement made him laugh because many of his clients are going hungry, and have a hard enough time getting food for one meal a day. Then a few others jumped in with the same complaint that their clients are going hungry. The truth is that a large percentage of Nigerians are living under a $1.00 a day. They mentioned when they go on their visits and see the living conditions and the lack of food, they are moved to compassion, and give out of their own pockets to someone with a greater need. That is the gospel in action.

"I will never know what it means to be starving" I told them. I was speechless. What could I say that would not sound cliche or patronizing? I can never fully understand there plight. Even the hospital workers who sat in front of me who have good jobs compared to most Nigerians, are also struggling to find food to support their families. As an American with a nice car, nice place to live and money for anything I want, I cannot relate to their struggle. At that very moment I felt guilty for never having known what it feels like to be hungry; to not know where the next meal will come from. Why was I born in America and not in Africa? I didn't choose this life, and neither did they.

These are just some things I have been thinking about lately. You can't face poverty and not be affected by it somehow. I don't have an answer to the big issue of poverty, but I do know that I need to praise and thank God for all the resources I have been given. Then I need to turn around and give away what he has given me to bless someone else. None of it belongs to me anyway, for all that I have is the Lord's.

Some things I am thankful for today:

1. Clean water-many of the clients I see every day struggle to have clean water for drinking and cooking. Most children die of diarrhea due to lack of clean drinking water. I have a filter and easy access to clean water every day. All I have to do is turn on the faucet and water pours out.
2. Food-many Nigerian's struggle to eat one meal a day. I am able to eat three meals a day and can afford things like Chicken and rice which are very expensive here.
3. A nice car-Most Nigerian's don't have a car, and either take a taxi or a motor bike for transportation. Many of them have to trek (walk) far distances. My car takes me wherever I need to go in a short amount of time.
4. Electricity-my Hausa teacher told me they have had problems with scarce electricity for over four months. Electricity is bad here and without a generator, most people live in the dark after the sun goes down. They use candles for light. I have battery lights in my house so when the electricity is off, I turn on the lights and can see well.
5. Medicine-60% of Subsahara Africa doesn't have access to health care. Clients come to me daily and say they can't afford the medicine that has been prescribed for their sickness. When I am sick all I have to do is go to my drug cabinet and take medicine, or go to the doctor and they will prescribe something for me and I can afford to pay for the treatment.

Today I am thankful for these things I have always taken for granted......

Heart to heart with Reverend India

2007-04-26T14:31:00.003-07:00

Today the coordinator of our ministry came to my office and said, "I want to talk with you!" It was unusual for him to pull me aside in such an intentional way. He sat me down and asked me about my future plans and said that he hoped I will come back to Nigeria. He also asked me if I wanted to be married? In the Nigerian culture marriage is viewed very highly, and an individual is considered more influential and useful in their ministry if they are married. He began to tell me how he has been praying for me to find a husband, and that when I come back to Nigeria he wants me to have a husband by my side. I really appreciated his concern for me and I took it as a great compliment. It was very fatherly, and meant a lot. I assured him that I want to be married someday, and am waiting for my husband to find me. As hard as it is to be single in this culture for a variety of reasons, I am so thankful for this time to have an undivided focus on the Lord. I know more than ever what it means to find total satisfaction in the Lord, for He is my portion and my daily bread.

"I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord!"

1 Corinthians 7:35

Knees to the Earth

2007-04-22T03:30:00.002-07:00

What is the single most passion of my life? Do I love to make Jesus known and to lift up His name so others may know Him more? These are questions I have been pondering lately. This morning I was listening to a message from John Piper on bringing Glory to God and finding true delight in Jesus; it spurred me on toward a few thoughts.....

-because of my sinful nature I am prone to glorifying myself, it's innate, and only through the power of the Holy Spirit can it be any different.

-I am struck as I read in Isaiah 6 at his response to his utter depravity and filth before God. This reminds me of my own reponse toward my sin and heart of rebellion.

"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty!" (vs. 5)

Piper says the following about sin in regards to God's glory:

"What’s the nature and essence of sin? A coming short of the glory of God; most profoundly abusing and mistreating God. My sin is not about me, but about the glory of God being defamed by my preferring other things to him. Until you feel the weight of the glory of God; his rejection, hell will seem unjust and the cross will seem like a gruesome overreaction. Oh, that God might open my eyes to feel the weight of what it means to live our lives day by day oblivious to the glory of God for which we were made, and therefore dishonor him and disrespect him and give him a vote of no confidence, and reject him, and belittle him. Hell is not an overreaction and the cross is not too bloody to save such people."

When you see the absolute Holiness and Magnificence of our Holy God, you can't help but bow with "knees to the earth" in humility before the one who has washed our sin away by His own blood. I want so much to have that attitude, being prostrate before His throne in thankfulness. I am so painfully aware of my sin before my Savior, that it leads me to a place of lowliness, a place of total surrender. I have a desperate need to be refined and the dross siphened away until I look just like HIM. That process of sanctification will never end. Until I am with the Lord, I will need His forgiveness and His continual plucking away of anything that is not of Him. So that leads me to the question of how can I delight in the Lord and bring him glory? It's only when I have a right view of God and recognition of my own sin and human condition that this can take place. Bringing God glory means I find total satisfaction in HIM, and that He is the highest and most valuable thing in my life. Everything I do and say, the way I live and love is all for His name. This quest for God's glory is absolutely profound for me....... I feel like I am just now beginning to grasp at the minutest level what this means. I also know that I fail at every attempt to Glorify Him when I try in my own strength. But I know that it is possible and commanded in scripture. God has given us everything we need for life and "Godliness" (2 Peter 1:3). So the goal of my life should be to make HIM look good. How do I do that???? As humans we crave attention and commendation. I love Paul's thought in Romans 7:24 when he says, "what a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death. Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Wow that is powerful.........preach it Paul. Jesus Christ is the only one that rescue us from these mortal bodies and gives us hope.

I want to live, as Piper says, with the knowledge that when I don't glorify God I am glorifying self and actually bringing dishonor to His name. Not only am I not making God look good and giving Him all the worth that he deserves, but I am bringing Him dishonor and defaming His name.

At times when I look at my life here in Nigeria with my own glory in mind, or any of the things which would by the world's standards be considered "good, or worthy of glory," I feel sick. In my sin nature I want the glory, and yet God is the only one who deserves all praise and honor and adoration for everything that I would consider an accomplishment in this life.

One of my favorite songs by Watermark says it quite beautifully:

"Knees to the Earth"

Wonderful Savior, my heart belongs to Thee.

I will remember always the blood you shed for me.

Wonderful Savior, my heart will know Your worth,

I will embrace You always as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high,

Be treasured here, be glorified.

I owe my life to you my Lord,

Here I am.

Beautiful Jesus, how may I bless your heart?

Knees to the earth I bow down to everything You are,

Beautiful Jesus you are my only worth

So let me embrace you always as I walk this earth

Here I am

Knees to the earth......

"Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts."

Isaiah 26:8

What should my reponse be? all I can do is fall on my face with knees to the Earth and thank God for who He is. More of HIM and less of me.

Silence in the streets

2007-04-21T14:41:00.000-07:00

Today there was silence in the streets, a kind of eery feeling like we are nearing end times. What is normally one of the busiest streets in town, today on election day, was empty. Except for three young kids selling phone cards, no-one was on the road. No cars honking their horns as they drive down the hill, no achabas (guys on motor bikes) swirving in and out of traffic, no pedestrians running in between cars while crossing the streets, no broken down taxis stopping every few streets to pick up passengers, no women selling bananas, carrots or other fruits and vegetables by the side of the road and no guys yelling "baturi" (white person) at me. It was so refreshing to walk outside and breathe in the silence. Today there was a sense of peace, a quietness I have only known on election day. And it may be many years before I ever have this feeling again.

"You have candy for us?"

2007-04-18T12:32:00.000-07:00

On wednesday and friday mornings I meet with Mallam Garba for Hausa class. My car has been in the shop this week so this morning I got a ride to work, and then walked the rest of the way to a compound where we meet. As I walked down the dirt road, I waved to the guards with the familiar morning greetings "Sannu, Ina Kwana?" The road was quiet, except you know that feeling you get when it seems you are being followed? I turned around only to see "my children," those beautiful kids that live on the Spring of Life compound, were following me. They walked with me all the way to Hausa class. Along the way they asked the usual question, "you have candy for us?" I have become popular because I always have sweeties for them. Okay I admit they are spoiled rotten. I just love them so much I can't help it. They waited outside while I was in Hausa, and followed me back to work when I was finished. Ususally when I am at work they run around outside our office, and then call my name through the window. At the moment, they are on break from school, so of course are always around. They are the bright spot in my day and bring me such joy; my children! I can't imagine going back to America and not seeing their precious faces every day. I will worry about that when the day comes. For now, I am loving every minute of it........

Chicken Soup

2007-04-16T10:23:00.002-07:00

I have a cold today and am sniffly and stuffed up. I took some Zinc tablets for the past few days to prevent the cold, but they didn't work. Bummer! You know the feeling you get when you can't taste anything and you feel so groggy? I've decided it's not a great feeling. My friend George brought me Chicken Soup with cheese and crackers for dinner. A perfect comfort food. What great friends I have. God knew that I needed a little encouragement today and it came in the form of soup. I love it when He does that!!

The Resurrection and the Life

2007-04-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

"I am the Resurrection and the life. He who believes in my will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die..."

There I stood at the foot of the cross hurling insults at Jesus and mocking him. It was my very sin that put him there. He died for me because He was obeying His father's will. He knew it was the only way I could be in a relationship with God. He now showed the full extent of His love by the act of being crucified on Calvary's tree. He did it for me. He did it for you. So we could live free from the chains of sin and death, and be alive in HIM. In the cross we find Redemption and forgiveness. It is there that life begins......

Sunshine of His face

2007-03-31T05:25:00.002-07:00

One of my favorite songs is actually an old one, and one I have been introduced to just recently. It has been a great encouragement to me lately. The words resonate deep in my heart any time I am unsettled about anything in life. As the tension here rises, I am reminded of the words of this song, and I am at peace once again.

"Jesus I am Resting Resting"

Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee

And Thy beauty fills my soul

For by Thy transforming power

Thou hast made me whole

Oh how great Thy lovingkindness

Vaster broader than the sea

Oh how marvelous Thy goodness

Lavished all on me

Yes I rest in Thee Beloved

Know what wealth of grace is Thine

Know Thy certainty of promise

And have made it mine

Simply trusting Thee Lord Jesus

I behold Thee as Thou art

And Thy love so pure so changeless

Satisfies my heart

Satisfies its deepest longings

Meets supplies its ev'ry need

Compasseth me round with blessings

Thine is love indeed

Ever lift Thy face upon me

As I work and wait for Thee

Resting 'neath Thy smile Lord Jesus

Earth's dark shadows flee

Brightness of my Father's glory

Sunshine of my Father's face

Keep me ever trusting resting

Fill me with Thy grace

chorus: Jesus I am resting resting

In the joy of what Thou art

I am finding out the greatness

Of Thy loving heart

This last stanza especially speaks to me. Today I am resting in the sunshine of my Father's face. I am marvelling in His glory which represents all that He is. His smile illuminates an amazing light and is dispelling the darkness here. May the people of Nigeria also cling to the light of Christ amidst the shadows.

One of my favorite things

2007-03-30T09:34:00.000-07:00

Those of you who are close to me know how much I love Diet Coke. It is very high on the list of "Susan's favorite things," along with Mexican food, Starbucks coffee, and my mom's famous pasta salad (well done mom.) At 10:15 this morning, after taking my first sip of Diet Coke, I came to realize again that I am totally addicted. It is one of those simple pleasures I really enjoy. I know I am really suffering here right (ha-ha)?

Life is better with Diet Coke.....

Lovely Ladies

2007-03-23T13:54:00.000-07:00

I want you to meet a few of my lovely friends. Back row is Erin Rigsby who is a missionary nurse here currently on furlough in Texas. She works with the boys at Transition House, a care center for street kids and orphans. She is hoping to return in early May. Erin's passion and love for her ministry here touched my heart from day one. Before coming I would check her website and cry every time because I saw her heart in action, and it made an impact on me. Next to Erin is Ritmua who is also working at TH, and going to seminary here. She has a beautiful voice and God is using her in amazing ways to minister through the gift of music. She is a prayer warrior and constant source of encouragement to me. She has been one of my closest friends here. Next to me is Nicky, a Brit, who is currently studying at Bible College in England, but coming back as a long term missionary with SIM in august. Nicky was a good listener, and great support during my first 6 months in Nigeria. Last but not least is GayLynn who is also furloughing in New Mexico at the moment, and due to return in June. She put up with my emotional up's and down's, and is a woman of great wisdom. Plus she would laugh at my jokes.

Girls,

Miss you a ton and look forward to drinking tea together soon (for Erin it is Starbucks coffee :)!

How do I smell?

2007-03-21T14:15:00.000-07:00

I went to visit Ladi's sister's last week, Ruth and Mercy. We had such a nice time together. Mercy pulled out old pictures of her mom Rebekah, and we remembered what use to be. I really enjoyed our visit. I hadn't seen Mercy since before her baby died in December. She named the baby Rebekah after their mom. Please pray for Ruth (left). I am not sure she knows Jesus. We have talked about the Lord many times but her life is not consistent with a person who loves HIM! Pray for my continued support and love to these women to be genuine and that I may overflow with Jesus. Pray that Ruth will come to know Christ through what she sees in me. I pray I am a fragrant aroma of Christ to her.

How do I smell to her? Am I a fragrant aroma of Christ or the stench of death?

"For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. AND WHO IS EQUAL TO SUCH A TASK!"

"The Freedom Song"

2007-03-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

As we walked down the steps to Esther's house on monday, I knew I should brace myself for what I would see. Even though I have been taking care of dying patients for over four years now, it is never easy; it is always an emotional experience to see a life fading away right before your very eyes. This was especially sad because Esther is only twenty-five years old and already end stage. When one of the home-based care workers named Ladi told me Esther was really down, she said, "I thought she was going to give up yesterday." I knew it would be bad. Upon entering the room, there she was lying in fetal position; her body emaciated. She had hardly any clothes on because of high fevers. She was delirious and had a dry mouth, due to eating almost nothing. Her bones jutted out everywhere. Each time she exhaled her ribcage moved rapidly up and down. She was near the end. We sat her up slowly, all her weight leaning on us, and gave her some Tylenol for the fever. She immediately vomited the two white pills. We waited a few minutes, then I instructed Ladi to crush the pills and give them, again making sure she swallowed them. By God's grace she kept them down. As she sat there limp as anything, I slowly rubbed a cool rag on her back and face. Then she lay back down and began moaning "God, why did you do this to me?" We began talking to Esther about the love God has for her. We asked her is she was a Christian, and if she died that night would she be going to Heaven? She answered that yes she was, and would be in Heaven. We prayed with her and sang "Ni Zan je", which says, "I will go anywhere with Jesus, no matter the roughness of the road." Then we said goodbye; a goodbye which would be our last.

I have been praying and thinking a lot about my friend, and when I saw Ladi this morning I asked how Esther was doing. Ladi told me she went to her house last night with a pastor, and they prayed again with her. Then she broke the news that Esther died early this morning at 4 a.m. I am rejoicing that her pain and suffering are no more; her hope has been fully restored by the One who made her. Esther is now singing the freedom song.

It's easy to grow discouraged day after day seeing the same thing; a young woman, man or child being taken away by this horrible disease, suffering so much, and knowing there is nothing I can do to change the situation. This feeling of being out of control is the hardest reality I face. But again as God always does, He has brought me comfort today and is healing my heart. I am reminded again that I did my job and that's all I can do. Sharing the gospel with Esther was the the best way to minister to her needs, and bring comfort during her last days on this earth. I will not remember Esther the way she looked, but that of her raising her hands to Jesus as we sang, and the bright smile on her face when we said goodbye. Even in her dying, she was smiling because we brought her hope....and hope is more than enough.

Final Ceremony

2007-03-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, and forget not all his benefits-who forgives all your sins, and heals all your diseases...." Several hundred women gathered for the final ceremony of the reunion yesterday. They all dress up in matching wrappers to signify a coming together in celebration. This was their time to be recognized, to sing the "freedom song" for they have been healed from this VVF which has caused much sorrow, grief, stigma, pain and depression for many. Praise the Lord for He has healed and delivered them. He does all things well.

A group called Bazata who travel all over Nigeria and sing traditional Hausa music. I really enjoyed listening to them, they were fantastic!

The two chaplains for the VVF

Women getting ready for their special number
I got asked to speak five minutes ahead of time. This is typically what happens at gatherings like this where you are asked to speak at the last minute. I had no time to prepare but shared from my heart how thankful I am to be a part of ministry at the VVF, and how God is working miracles in many women's lives.

Women dancing together

VVF Reunion

2007-03-08T13:08:00.000-08:00

The annual VVF reunion started today and goes through saturday. Hundreds of women gather from villages across Nigeria to celebrate their healing from VVF. Tonight they had a special program with dancing and singing. I loved walking around and greeting everyone. These women are so precious to me. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about them. People gathering to watch the special dance
A group of Fulani women here for the program

My precious friend Ngosono who lost her baby recently. God has restored her joy and she is coping well with the loss of Emembe.
The Tieve women proudly showing off their tribal dance
Me attempting to join in the dancing

Mao is a sweet young girl who had VVF, but is now dry and going home after the program

More dancing....

The Tieve women practicing

Women waiting outside the VVF for the celebration to start

My friends from the VVF gathering water

An old mama who always greets me

"Our Eyes are upon you!"

2007-03-07T07:40:00.003-08:00

As I read 2 Chronicles yesterday my heart was filled with joy and I was reminded that God is my mighty warrior fighting for me. King Jehoshaphat heard that an army of Moabites, Meunites and Ammonites were preparing to wage war against his army. Upon hearing the news, together with all the people of Judah he sought to inquire of the Lord. In desperation and rock solid faith he stood up and prayed to the Lord his God for help. He prayed in verse 12, “For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you!” So an angel of the Lord appeared and said to him, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army (vs. 15). For the battle is not yours, but God’s…….You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the DELIVERANCE the Lord will give you (vs. 17)." Despite seeing the incredible odds against them, King Jehoshaphat bowed with his face to the ground, and all the people also fell down in worship before the Lord. Early the next morning they set out for Tekoa, and the King appointed men to sing and praise Him for the splendor of His holiness as they went out at the head of the army. As they began to sing “Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever,” the Lord set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated!

My heart is amazed yet again and I realize that my eyes must be upon the Lord as I fight the battles in this life. I am encouraged, and feel spurred on to take up my armor and trust GOD for his power to defeat the vast army that is in front of me. As I seek to make Christ known among peope here, God is before me and is my refuge, comfort, strength and my Deliverer. In HIM alone is all my trust and hope for He will never fail me. Praise be to God.........

A typical day

2007-03-06T12:53:00.002-08:00

Sometimes when I stop and think about what it is that I do really, I am overwhelmed. I go through day after day witnessing situations that are unbelievable. The tremendous amount of suffering these people go through is almost too much to bare.

First thing this morning, I shared with my precious friends at the VVF center about the woman in Luke 8 who had been bleeding for twelve years. Many of these women have been leaking urine for twelve years or longer. They feel hopeless, trapped, and an increasing number are living with HIV. Kicked out of their homes they come far and wide in search of peace and a new life. This morning I urged the women to come to Jesus, and lift their hands in expectation that He can heal them. After sharing I prayed over them and we sang, "Godiya, godiya ga Allah, munkawo godiyanmu, aga bunka ya Alla." God we thank you, we thank you, we bring you praise, you are worthy of our praise!

Next I met one week old twin baby girls who are on admission in the hospital and in need of help to pay the hospital bills. The mother just died of HIV, and the father wants nothing to do with them. He has not come to see them and is living many hours away. The babies were delivered by c-section and given ARV's which will dramatically reduce their risk of HIV. The sister-in-law of the late mother has offerred to care for them. She has five children of her own, and is now graciously taking responsibility of these two.

Next is a baba who is pastoring a church up north. He brought his seventeen year daughter whose bag was already packed. In utter despair he told us that he and his wife are being threatened and receiving much trouble and stigma associated with his daughter's sickness. She is HIV+ and also being threated and shamed for having the virus. Members of the church do not want her around and are afraid of getting the virus. He was beside himself and asked us if their was anywhere we could take the girl to live. We referred them to a nearby ministry where she will stay and learn sewing skills. Unfortunately this is an all too common story of stigma, and how it tears families and communities apart.

I also saw one of my special babies with HIV who is over one year old now. He has a bad cough and his grandmother brought him to see the doctor. Why his grandmother? Because his mother died of HIV and she is now caring for him. His grandmother has five other children at home and breastfeeds her grandson like he is her own. It amazes me what these women go through.

A twelve year old boy who has been one of our clients for several years came in today and his face was downcast. When I asked him what was wrong and prodded for a while he now said that he was hungry. I gave him a little money and told him to buy some food. He is an orphan and stays with his auntie. He must fend for himself and at such a young age is given much responsibility.

God gave me His grace today to deal with each of these situations, and I am telling HIM thank you!!! Mun Gode maka domin alherinka da taimako. Thank you God for your grace and help.......

Legacy

2007-03-03T08:42:00.000-08:00

"But our citizenship is in Heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power than enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies to be like his glorious body."

The different headstones read: "Abundantly satisfied in Jesus, In the arms of Jesus, and For to me to live is Christ....to die is gain!" How poignantly written. Last week we had a staff retreat at Miango, SIM's mission rest home. Their is a cemetary behind the chapel where many SIM missionaries and their children are buried. During my visit I stopped to read the caption written on each headstone, and God pricked my heart with many capturing thoughts of a life well lived. It made me think about leaving a legacy. What will my headstone read? What will people say about me after I am gone? Will they say I lived for Jesus more than anything else in this life? Will people remember me for what I did or who I was? Do I really believe to live is Christ and to die is GAIN? There are many days when I just want to go and be with my Jesus; to depart is better by far. However, He has not called me home yet. He has called me for such a time as this. I want to live every moment as if it were my last. When I am in Heaven with my maker, it will be too late to share Christ with those who need to hear. For those who I will meet in Heaven will already have the gift of divine deliverance. It is here in this very moment that I must remember my purpose in life.That is to testify to the gospel of God's grace. Like the Apostle Paul, many hardships face me and war wages against me, but I am confident that He who began a good work in me will complete it. May my legacy be that Christ was shining through me, so that when others see me, they will say "yes I believe that God exists; that He lives and is the only true GOD (Isaiah 43:9)!

A poem by Martin Luther about John Wycliff's life and ministry says it all:

"Fling to the heedless winds

On the water cast

Their ashes shall be watched,

And gathered at the last.

And from the scattered dust

Around us and abroad,

Shall spring a plenteous seed,

Of witness for God.

Jesus hath now received

Their latest dying breath.

Yet vain is Satan's boast

Of victory in their death.

Still, still though dead they speak,

And triumph-tongued proclaim,

To many a waking land

The one availing name."

That's what I want, after death for my life to STILL proclaim the ONE AVAILING NAME!

"But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and striving toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me Heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Philipians 3:13b-14

Spring of Life in Egbe

2007-03-02T08:05:00.000-08:00

Last week a team of us travelled 8 and a half hours south to a town called Egbe. Egbe is made up of mostly Yoruba people which are the third largest people group in Nigeria, next to the Hausa and Igbo's.

A few SIM missionaries are opening a Spring of Life in Yorubaland; they have their official opening in two weeks. They have already started doing HIV testing and counseling many of the nurses and staff at Egbe Hospital. The hope is that members from the community will come to get tested, and be more aware of the presence and danger of HIV/AIDS.

Some of the paticipants eating lunch

Margie, one of the SIM'ers helping to jumpstart the ministry is counselling a few youth

Mrs. Akwai during a session

Fulani Camp

2007-02-17T12:54:00.000-08:00

"Aku, wali jam, no shore," I say as we enter the village of these Fulani people. I wave my hands up in the air with joy and speak the little words I know in Fulfulde. Fulfude is one of the 450 languages spoken in Nigeria and is much more difficult than Hausa. Today we went to a village for a medical outreach; this is by far one of my favorite things to do here. It is always a blessing to bring much needed medicine to those who do not have health care. One of the pictures below is of my fellow missionary with the chief of the village in the middle who is over 100 years old. I shared the reason we came to bring them medicine was because of Jesus' love for them. We pray the power of the gospel spreads like wildfire in this village of people who have yet to be transformed by the power of Redeeming LOVE!

Evangel Hospital

2007-02-16T11:49:00.000-08:00

This is the new container where they do prep work and enrollment for clients starting on ARV therapy. The sheer numbers of people on ARV's are more than 1,000 since last year. This program has gotten so big we are finding it hard to keep up. People are coming in masses. They had to build this recently to fit more people since the out-patient area where HIV clinic is held was bursting with people.

The theatre or surgery area where they do many hernia repairs, cataract surgeries, surgeries for burn patients and such

The male ward where men stay for broken bones, burns, Malaria, Typhoid, infections of all kinds and HIV related sicknesses.

The lab where they do all kinds of blood tests. After clients come to Spring of Life for an HIV test they need to get a confirmatory test here before they can start the ARV drugs.

Precious friends

2007-02-16T11:41:00.000-08:00

One of my little babies Isa with his mom and sister Hauwa. He continues to improve every day. His mom teaches me Hausa when she comes to visit. I pray she may know the love of Jesus in a real way.

Climbing

2007-02-15T12:49:00.000-08:00

A bunch of us went hiking a few weeks ago. It was a fun time. Below are two new missionaries Joel and Tim who have both come with in the last month or so. You can guess Tim (right) is the funny guy who makes us all laugh quite a bit!!!

Children's Club

2007-02-15T12:14:00.000-08:00

These are our precious kids who came for Kids club two weeks ago. The first thursday of every month our HIV positive kids gather for games, snacks and a bible story or craft. We really want to show them the love of Christ and pour into their lives. Many of the kids are orphans. Each of them are taking ARV drugs and living healthy lives and going to school. The children always look forward to coming to Spring of Life for this event. It brings hope and encouragement to their lives. These faces are the next generation of NIGERIA. We want them to know their Maker, the God of all creation. We pray that they may know their value in God's eyes, and of His unfailing love for them.

The Greatest Love of all

2007-02-14T07:55:00.001-08:00

O Love, that will not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in Thee;

I give thee back the life I owe,

That in Thine ocean depths it's flow

May richer, fuller be.

George Matheson

As I think today of Valentine's Day and the concept of love my heart is filled with joy. When I consider the unfailing God has for me and for the world I can't help but be grateful and unbelievably humbled. This LOVE which will not let me go is found in the person of Jesus Christ who died on a cruel cross to save sinners. His death has given us new life.

A hausa song very simply put says: "Allah mun Gode Hallelujia, domin kaunarka zuwa garemu hallelujia!" Lord how we thank you for your love unto us, how you love us!"

We can never repay HIM for the gift of His sacrifice of love. But may His love for us be a motivation for us to love others. When we have experienced the richness and kindess of God's love deep in out hearts all we want to do is give it away. I pray you give back all the love that you have for the one who gave His life for you.

"For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life!"

John 3:16

2007-02-12T11:27:00.005-08:00

Treasures

"One by one He took them from me, all the things I treasured most,

Until I was empty-handed; every glittering toy was lost.

So I walked Earth's highways grieving in my rags and poverty,

Til I heard His voice inviting, "Lift your empty hands to me."

So I held my hands toward Heaven and He filled them with a store,

Of His own transecendent riches til they could contain no more.

And at last I comprehended with my stupid mind and soul,

That God could not pour His riches into hands already full."

Anonymous

As I ponder the truth in this poem I am humbled yet again. With fists held so tightly I am only allowing God into certain areas of my life. I am holding on for dear life to that plan which I have made for myself. Yet have I stopped to consider God's plan for my life? I like to have certain control over things, fearing that if I surrender to HIM I might not like what He will do with it. How foolish and stubborn am I? God is slowly taking every area of my life and transforming me into His image. It's like a tug of war. I am still grasping with all that I am and yet God is asking me to give it up, give it over to HIM. Like the potter forming the clay He wants to mold me into something beautiful that can be used to Glorify himself and to be a marvelous display of His splendor. Without the work of Christ in my life, I am empty. May I continue to completely surrender my will and allow God to fill me with more of HIM. So that I will overflow and be a fragrant aroma of Christ to a dying and lost world. God is asking me to empty myself of all that I am to be all that HE is. With each passing day I am coming to realize He is all I need, that I am complete in HIM. I am experiencing His peace, joy and hope like never before. May I continue to let go of my earthly treasures so I may taste of His Heavenly treaures.

"And to know this love that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled to the measure with all the fullness of God!"

Ephesians 3:19

Trading the comforts of this life

2007-02-06T13:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the electricity was out almost 24 hours. The heat is increasing here. The phone lines haven't been working for weeks now and all I want to do is call my mom. Fuel is scare and very expensive. My feet are always dirty. My best friend is about to have a baby girl and I am not there with her. Sometimes I wish I could just close my eyes and wake up back home. But I realize that I have traded the comforts of life in America for the work of the harvest here in Nigeria. I am realizing more and more what it means to "take up your cross daily and follow me!" All I have to do is think of my patients here or those amazing VVF women that need to hear about Jesus and I am content. I am so satisifed in Jesus Christ and with the work that He has called me to. When I think about the ministry God has given me here I stand amazed day after day.

This morning in my quiet time I was reading from Isaiah 58, how appropriate for my time with the VVF women today.

"Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter------"

Isaiah 58: 6-7

Today I shared the story about how Jesus fed the five thousand. As each wide eyed woman listened intently, something resonated deep in their hearts. There were at least 35 women there, many who are living in bondage, in oppression. I shared about Jesus' call for anyone to come unto him and to find rest. As I think about these precious women my heart aches, because they have not experienced the love of our Savior! Each week when I stand there talking with them I want to cry because I see the emptiness, the pain and suffering that they have gone through. Today I told them that I loved them because God loves them. I don't know the pain and sorrow they are experiencing, but God does and He cares for them more than I ever could. He is the Redeemer, the Holy one of Israel and is the God who sees them! Praise God for His lifesaving power. That reminds me of a Hausa song which goes something like this: "Ya yi ya yi, Allah ya yi, abin da mutum bayiba Allah ya yi, ya yi ya! God he has done what no man can do! AMEN and AMEN.

I wouldn't trade the joy of knowing Jesus for anything this life has to offer-- for nothing can satisfy me like He does. What about you? Where do you find your satisfaction?

New Creation in Christ

2007-02-03T14:05:00.000-08:00

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day!"

2 Corinthians 4:16

Today is the first anniversary of my precious Ladi's death. She was one of my first patients here and made such an impact on my life. I had the privilige of walking Ladi through the most difficult time in her life. On January 3rd 2006 I stood beside Ladi at her mothers' graveside. As she wept bitterly with grief at the loss of her mother, she too was fighting this deadly disease. From that day on her condition worsened and I saw her body deteriorate and waste away. Yet I saw the most amazing thing; her spirit was being renewed day by day. Ladi confessed Christ just weeks before her death. She was truly redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, and her testimony was evident through the joy she had. I will never forget the last hours we spent together in the hospital. We sang songs about the love of God and her beautiful smile is something that will stick with me always. As her badly burned body grew weaker by the moment, their was a light in her eyes. As if she knew what was ahead, as if she could see it. Despite the fear of her own death, she knew she would be with Jesus. One month later to the day of her mother's death, I stood at that same graveside but this time was comforting Ladi's two young children Kyauta and Jerry, who are now orphans. As I held them close to my side they both cried tears of sorrow and fear of the future. Who will take care of me, I heard their tears say, is mommy coming back? My heart was filled with deep sadness for these precious children. When I think about Ladi I am thankful for she has no more tears or pain or suffering. Praise God she is now dancing with Jesus. I can't wait to see her again, what a day of rejoicing that will be. Oh, Lord hasten the day!

CLAF International

2007-01-25T12:19:00.000-08:00

My friend Kyenpiya (middle) just opened a center for children who have been affected by HIV/AIDS. Her organizaiton is called CLAF International (Child Love Advocacy Foundation). Sofar 11 children are living in the care center. They are given three meals a day, education and bible teaching which is more than most of them get at home. They come from single parent homes who are living with HIV/AIDS and unable to care for them well. Today I visited with the children and had a great time singing songs. I praise God for Kyenpiya's faith and determination to make a difference in these children's lives for eternity. She has been an inspiration to me. Please pray along with me for her and the ministry. May God continue to bless them abundantly with all that is needed to keep the place going!

Back to the village

2007-01-22T13:32:00.001-08:00

I heard today that Dosono arrived safely to her village on saturday and buried Nmembe yesterday. Praise God for His grace and provision in her life! He is faithful. My heart takes comfort in knowing she is at home and surrounded by family and loved ones. I pray they embrace and support her during the days ahead.

A day of Mourning

2007-01-20T11:22:00.000-08:00

Back in my days of Oncology and Hospice I have had to be the bearer of bad news to more families than I can count. It was never easy to look a person straight in the eye and tell them that someone they dearly loved had died. But somehow it was easier to justify for those who had been suffering with terminal cancer. What about when the patient is only six months old? Today I had to tell Dosono, one of my dear clients and friends that her only child Nmembe died. Nmembe had been sick for the last few weeks with diarrhea and vomiting. She was not thriving and had lost weight since November. For the last two days she was staying with a missionary family since her mother was on admission in the hospital; they graciously offerred to care for her until Dosono got stronger. I was so thankful and knew she was in good hands. It is a true picture of Christ for this family to take the baby in as their own and care for her like they did. But unfortunetely I got the call this morning that Nmembe died in the early morning hours. Her body was too frail and weak to go on any longer; the HIV virus had stolen her life away like a thief in the night. It was beyond anyone's control. God knew it was her time.

I wanted to say goodbye to Nmembe before I met with Dososno. As I picked up her lifeless body from the bed and held her tightly in my arms, tears came streaming down my face. She was bundled up in a blanket and looked so peaceful. There are no words to describe this experience. The memory of her sweet face will be etched in my mind forever.

I thought to myself, how am I going to tell my friend her baby has died, I can't believe I have to do this? I prayed for God to give me the strength. How do you possibly tell a young mother who has mourned the loss of three children that yet indeed her worst nightmare has come true? that her only remaining precious baby has been taken from her? My heart was totally crushed and stricken with grief. I knew Dosono would be devastated. As I told her the news that little Nmembe was gone, the sorrow and sadness in her eyes was almost more than I could bare. After asking her if she wanted to see the baby, I along with another worker from the hospital took her by the hands and escorted her to the bedroom. As soon as she took one look at her baby she fell to the ground weeping. It was truly a sorrowful moment. I felt so helpless, there was absolutely nothing I could say to make it better. Dosono decided she wanted to take the baby back to her village for the buriel. So I drove her to the bus station and on the way I told her how much God loved her and Nmembe and that Nmembe was now with Jesus. I pray God grants her safe travels back to her home and that I will be reunited with her again soon.

I think of Paul's exhortation when he faced hardships in 2 Corinthians 6:10 which says; "sorrowful yet always rejoicing.......!" This day of mourning is also a day of rejoicing. I am sorrowful yet rejoicing in Jesus my Savior who is my Peace and joy in this life. He has overcome death, for death is not the end. What glorious news!! What hope would I have without the absolute assurance of Heaven someday? It's during times like this when I have to cling to the goodness of God, and His unfailing love for His people. Even though my heart is filled with sadness for the loss of this baby it is well with my soul.

Sunny and Sara's Wedding

2007-01-18T13:07:00.002-08:00

Sunny carrying Sara right after the wedding. He certainly swept her off her feet. I am still waiting for my knight in shining armor, Oh, Lord hasten the day!

My friend Sara and Sunday got married last saturday. They are a neat couple with a desire to serve the Lord in HIV/AIDS ministry.

Christmas in Kano

2006-12-28T08:50:00.000-08:00

My sister April came for a visit to Nigeria. It has been so wonderful having her here for Christmas. I thank God she could come and experience a taste of life in Africa!

In front of Amir's palace, the "King of Kano"

One of the guards brightly dressed in the green and red uniform

We ate Chicken, pork, potatoes, stuffing and much more, yummy!!

Playing the grab bag game with the Jessurun's, a missionary family serving in Kano

Apes and me in my apartment on Christmas Eve

My little Christmas tree with the wonderful gifts my sister brought from home

VVF ministry

2006-12-21T09:35:00.000-08:00

The stench of urine permeates the air of the VVF ward, thin framed women with their heads fully covered walk slowly up and down the halls holding their urine catheters which empty into small plastic bowls. I greet them and say "Sannu, ina kwana, ya ya jiki (how are you and how is your body?)"As we greet, they wave their hands in the air expressing thankfulness for my greetings. Most people don't even notice them. For a moment, their hope has been restored. Someone has cared about them; acknowledged their existence. Most of them come from villages far away in desperate search for help, something to cling to, a hope that after surgery they can reunite with their families; that somehow the word outcast will be removed from their foreheads. As I walk down the halls of the VVF center I am reminded of Jesus and how He loved even the least of these.

I will be working with the VVF women every week and sharing the gospel of Jesus with them. Majority of the women are Muslim and come from villages in various states throughout Nigeria. Through word of mouth they have heard the VVF center in Jos offers free surgery to correct the fistulas, the problem they each have in common from prolonged labors. Because they are cast away from families and looked upon as "dirty", they are yearning for love and affection. Many of them come to know Jesus here at the center through the love shown to them by the staff and volunteers. I am excited for this opportunity to spend more time getting to know the women, and to share about God's love and grace. This week on tuesday I shared the Christmas story and talked about how God sent his son Jesus to die for their sins. I know the Jesus of the bible will speak to many of their hearts. Why? Because we worship a risen Savior who is alive and interceding for those who believe on His name. God will speak through His word and it will not come back void but will accomplish the purpose for which it was sent. That purpose is for many Muslims to come to know Jesus. I pray God's blessing on my time with them each week, and know He will be glorified. Pray along with me for a fruitful ministry here at the VVF. One of my VVF friends Ngosonom has also been a client of Spring of Life for the last 6 months. Her baby Emembe is growing and adding weight. However Emembe was admitted into the hospital yesterday for dehydration and diarrhea. Please pray for God's healing hand upon her.

S and me. She is only 20 years old and having her third child next month. I have been getting to know her the last month by visiting her almost daily at the VVF ward. She speaks little english and once again I am forced to speak Hausa with her which I find challenging but awesome. Pray for her to come to know Jesus Christ. I gave her some gospel literature yesterday, and she said she will read it. Her heart is open and I pray she receives the free gift of Salvation in the one and only true God!

S.A. is a Fulani woman, also a VVF patient, who came up to me one day and after never talking with her before said, "I want you to teach me english!" I was shocked to hear her speaking english. She comes from the village and typically many of them do not have a formal education and have not learned english. I told her I would teach her! Praise the Lord. This is an opportunity to share the love of Christ through language learning. Pray also that she would embrace Christ!

Before and After

2006-12-19T12:58:00.000-08:00

Israel when he first came to us at 8 months weighing under 7 pounds. The feeding tube gave him the nutrition he needed to sustain his life since he could not tolerate food by mouth.

Last week at 16 months old and over 13 pounds, Israel is thriving and tolerating his ARV's very well. The drugs have boosted his immune system and he is eating well. He is one of our miracle babies. Sometimes when I look at him I still can't believe that he was so sick. His progress is amazing. I praise the Lord for allowing Israel to get better and for giving him life today.

Buying Vegetables

2006-12-18T13:29:00.000-08:00

So today I went to the market and bought a handful of tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers and carrots. I only paid $2.00 for all of it. It amazes me. The big thing here is to bargain for everything. Nigerians almost take offense if you don't bargain for things. So I stand there and after picking out what I want the game starts. First I ask, "Nawa, or how much?" Then they give me a price and I ask them to reduce the price for me. Then after waiting for them to reduce, I look around and pretend like I am not going to buy. They will soon give me the lower price and I say, "what is your last price?" Then I take the lower price. It's actually fun. You can't go anywhere here without bargaining. It's part of life, and you get used to it. Although sometimes I struggle with it and think how little I really am paying for most of these things, and it causes me to be thankful, really thankful.

Christmas Club

2006-12-09T08:57:00.000-08:00

We recently had our Christmas club where our HIV clients came together with singing and dancing as well as eating Chicken. Chicken is very expensive here so it is valued in a huge way. A chicken foot stuffed through the head, hungry?

Cooking the chicken and stew for rice

Ruth, Larrai, Me and Julie

Mrs. Akwai and Mr. Johnson, two staff members

Larrai and Julie getting the rice together

beans all ready to hand out to our HIV club members

Drink your AIDS away

2006-12-02T11:43:00.000-08:00

So rumor has it that there is a new cure for HIV in town. It is called "Kaza" and is some kind of fruit. Supposedly drinking the juice inside will cure your HIV. I went around the main market today asking about the Kaza fruit to the sellers. They all said the same thing; that it is used to cure HIV. Many people here do not yet know their is NO cure for HIV. We have a long way to go in spreading awareness about this disease.

Death

2006-11-22T12:57:00.000-08:00

Today while visiting a friend in the emergency room, a young boy about 15 years old was brought in dead upon arrival. After attempting CPR for about 20 seconds, the nurse gave up and left the boy on the ground in the middle of the entrance. Everyone who walked in saw the lifeless body. The staff at the hospital moved on as if nothing had happened. Because death is such a normal part of daily life here, the reaction to it is so different from that of the west. I found out later that the boy was trying to break up a fight between two classmates before he died. No-one really knows the cause of death and they never will. I know that much of the death here is preventable, maybe not for this young man. God's Sovereignty is my comfort and peace in situations like this. My heart is sad and yet my hope is in my Lord and Savior, and the fact that when I die I will be with HIM forever.

Ya Ya Jiki?

2006-11-15T12:43:00.000-08:00

In Hausa this means "how is your body," or as we would say in America, "how are you feeling?" This is a question I have been asked many times a day since being back in Jos. Hearing Hausa again is music to my ears. Na yi farin Ciki ( I am happy inside!) I love being back, it feels like coming home. More than ever I am convinced of my calling for Nigeria. God's peace is flooding my heart and I am thankful for this unspeakable JOY to serve HIM here. May the love of the one and only true GOD be the passion that drives me on to make HIS glory known.

The Valley Of Vision

2006-10-30T14:36:00.000-08:00

"THE VALLEY OF VISION"

LORD, HIGH AND HOLY, MEEK AND LOWLY,

Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,

where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;

hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox

that the way down is the way up,

that to be low is to be high,

that the broken heart is the healed heart,

that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,

that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,

that to have nothing is to possess all,

that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,

that to give is to receive,

that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime starts can be seen from deepest wells,

and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;

Let me find thy light in my darkness,

thy life in my death,

thy joy in my sorrow,

thy grace in my sin,

thy riches in my poverty,

thy glory in thy valley.

During this time away from life in Nigeria, God is humbling me in amazing ways. Why? To show He doesn't need me to carry out the work there. He is testing me to see if I really trust him and take him at His word. He has sovereignly placed me here to wait on Him for such a time is this. He continues to show me I must believe that His will is being accomplished even when I can't see. Through darkness the light of His presence is filling my soul. Like the Puritans of Old, I am seeing His glory in my valley. I praise God because I know in the steepness of this valley, my heart has been desperate for HIM. I am seeing the love of Christ in a new way. The depths and goodness of His character are becoming more clear to me, and in this I rejoice. I rejoice not in my circumstances, but in the God of my circumstances!

"The Steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, For in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock"

Isaiah 26:3

Your Chains Are Gone

2006-10-16T20:36:00.000-07:00

Freedom: the quality or state of being free: Independence, exemption, release or ease.

This topic of freedom has been one of the themes of my trip home this fall. I am studying about God's freedom and how I can make liberty IN Christ a reality in my life. How can I not allow the chains of bondage of sin to rule over me? I know in my head that I am free in Christ because Jesus' shed blood on the cross of Calvary bought my freedom once and for all. Yet why do I continually allow sin to reign in my body and weigh me down? Until we are in the presence of our Glorious King, we will struggle with our fleshly bodies and desires for the things of this world.

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of slavery!"

Galatians 5:1

What is true FREEDOM? Romans 8:2-4 says, "For the law of the Spirit of life has made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit"

I continue to fall short yet God in His infinite mercy has redeemd my life from the pit. I am finally free from the chains that held me for so long. Psalm 40 is one of my favorites and talks about how the Lord lifts us out of the pit and puts a new song in our mouths, a song of praise to HIM. HE HAS REDEEMED MY LIFE FROM THE PIT OF HELL. Because I know Jesus I now have hope of eternal life, what a glorious truth. My song is for the Lord, and by His grace I will continue to praise my Father for saving me, a wretched sinner.

"Remember your chains are gone, remember He has given you a new song, therefore you must praise him all day long, so others may know of His SON, remember your chains are gone!"

I Miss.....

2006-10-11T16:04:00.000-07:00

Jefda's sqeal when he gets excited

JD's sweet face and how he calls me his Maigida or "wife" in Hausa

Witnessing Kathryn's hilarious dancing and bright smile

The way James clings to my leg and loves on me. I miss sitting him on my lap and feeling his big belly
Hearing Moses sing with all his heart to the Lord

Playing with the gang that always comes to visit me every day. I miss the way they yell for me "aunty Susan, aunty Susan!" I miss all these precious children whom I have grown to love this last year. I can't wait to get back to Nigeria!

Hat Ministry

2006-10-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

My mother loves to crochet, and several months ago I asked her to make some hats for me to bring back to Nigeria in August. What a blessing it has been to use her gifts and minister to infants and children living with HIV. One big difference between American and African babies is that mothers dress them so warmly despite the heat. Even at 90 degree temperatures, infants are seen wearing wool hats and sweaters. The hat minstry has been incredible so far, and I am excited to continue giving the adorable hats to these precious ones.

Faith is one day old and and her mother is positive. Infants are given ARV's shortly after birth for prevention of the virus from their mothers. Faith will be given the drugs for the next few weeks and by God's grace will be negative!

Emembe or "rejoice," and her new pink hat. Her mother is HIV positive and it is not yet determined whether she also has the virus. It's too early to tell, but so far she is not showing any signs and has been healthy in her first few months of life. She has been fed infant formula which is a sure way to prevent her from acquiring HIV from her mother since HIV is present in breast milk.

Abigail is infected with HIV and has quite a sad story. Her parents both died of HIV and no-one wanted to take care of her because she too was positive. The stigma and fear associated with this virus is unbelievable. Her grandparents family took her in and now care for her. One day when one of our nurses went on a home visit, they found her sitting on the cement floor in a dark room alone. Can you imagine that? No wonder she never smiles like a normal child. Her prognosis is not very good because she is still so thin and frail. Even though on ARV's now, her body has not responded well. We pray God will sustain her for many more years!!!!

Fall in Chicago

2006-10-04T14:50:00.000-07:00

I love Fall in Chicago and the changing of seasons, from leaves turning beautiful colors to the fresh crisp autumn air, it's so refreshing! After being cooped up for ten days I have loved getting out for walks and enjoying nature.

Class of 1996

2006-10-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

Me with two old high school friends, Lindsay (left) and Sherry, at our ten year reunion

Even though the last three weeks have been difficult with sickness and surgery, my heart is content and at peace. One of the confirmations of this trip home is that God allowed me to attend my ten year high school reunion last friday. I love Nigeria but there was still some part of me that wanted to go back to the year 1996 and remember the good old days of Homecoming dances, pep rallies, football games and hot lunches. I had a great time and really enjoyed seeing old friends and sharing the good news of God with classmates. At the reunion I was handed a letter I wrote to myself on May 22nd, 1996 during my senior year in Sociology class. The question was "where do you see yourself in ten years?" Somehow I didn't remember the assignment and it came as a bit of a surprise, but was so affirming and encouraging to my heart. Below are a few excerpts from my letter.

Dear Susan,

"I hope to be a pediatric nurse at a hospital somewhere. I really want to nurse little children back to health...."

"I am not sure what God has in store for me, so right now my future is unclear...."

"I also would like to go to another country and work at an orphange with little children...."

"I have hope that we will eventually find a cure for the deadly virus called

AIDS...."

Did I actually write that? Who was that seventeen year old girl? Despite my inadequacies, failures, weaknesses and sin nature, God is perfect. Nothing could thwart the plans He laid out for me. Even though there have been many bumps in the road I have traveled, God has used every obstacle and valley for my good to accomplish His purposes in me. I stand amazed at where God has brought me and how He implanted those desires deep in my heart long ago. He knew His plans for me would be fulfilled by His power and glory. God is the author and wrote the story of my life before the foundations of the earth. What am I doing today? I am a nurse working with children and adults living with HIV/AIDS in Nigeria. I also work with street children and orphans at a care center in the city of Jos.

I can't help but think of Jeremiah 29:11 which says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

My trip home was worth it to get this letter and reflect on God's faithfulness and Sovereignty in my life these last ten years.

Evacuation Insurance

2006-10-01T12:15:00.000-07:00

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose!"

Romans 8:28

When I first attended missionary training and my mission told me I must have evacuation insurance, I never actually thought I would need it. Little did I know it would come in handy later on. On September 22nd "it" happened to me. I had to be medically evacuated from Nigeria because I was having terrible back and abdominal pain for which a cause could not be determined. I was escorted back to Chicago by a doctor who helped take care of me while in Nigeria. She was my angel and God placed her in my life at just the perfect time when I needed her most. I was able to get a seat on her flight and she "happened" to be flying through Chicago. That was no coincidence but only the divine intervention of a God who holds the world in the palm of his hands. God brought me home promptly to get the medical help I needed, and I am forever grateful. That help came in the form of a laparoscopic cholycystecomy, or removal of the gallbladdder with a scope through a small incision in the abdomen. My gallbladder was diseased; the main duct called the common duct was enlarged and not functioning properly. I have no prior family history of this problem and have never before had an issue with my gallbladder. In my own finite mind this whole experience seems random and at first made little sense to me. But Oh no! Nothing in this life is random. Everything happens for a reason and is all under the control of an Almighty, Soveriegn, Holy, Just, Righteous, Perfect, Faithful, Kind, Loving, Merciful, Gracious, Compassionate and Everlasting Father. I stand in complete awe of His love for me and how He orchestrated everything that needed to happen in order to get me on that specific flight that specific day with that specific person. My prayer while I have been home recovering is that God would show me what He wants me to learn in all this, and that He would be glorified through my pain. I am learning to be thankful and appreciate the time I have with my family and basking in the Grace that each new day brings. I am walking close to my Savior and resting in the fact that I don't have to understand why certain things happen. I am simply leaning on Jesus right now. Therefore it is well with my soul....

Remember

2006-09-11T13:47:00.001-07:00

As I remember today the tragedy of 9/11 and the sadness and loss of our country, I am reminded of the ultimate peace amidst the storm. Jesus says in John 16:33; "I have told you these things so that in ME you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble; but take heart, I have overcome the world." The peace we can find in a relationship with Jesus Christ is our only hope. I am praying for the peace of our country and for those who have lost loved ones. May the painful memories of this day bring each of us closer to our Maker. May those that have not yet clung to the cross and surrendered their lives to Jesus do so today, for tomorrow is not promised. Where will you spend eternity? I plead with you do not wait another minute.

"But when the kindness and the love of our Savior toward man appeared, not by the works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy he saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior, that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life!"

Titus 3:4-6

My home sweet home!

2006-09-07T14:42:00.000-07:00

We have a new addition to the Bertrand family. My new niece Grace Ann was born in March! She is such a precious gift. It was so fun to see her while I was home.

My lovely mom with two of her five granchildren- Maddi, 6, and Zack, 4. They absoluteley love their grandmother to pieces.

My dad enjoying his food. Notice the CUBS hat he proudly wears. Sorry for those of you who are Sox fans!!!!

My big sister Wendy with her two kids- Drew, 4 and Hannah, 6. Wendy is expecting a third in December, congratulations Wendy!

And now introducing Mr. and Mrs. Drew Hunter

Christina and Drew exchanging vows

My friend Christina and I at her bridal shower

On of my college roomates and her baby Francesca Marie fanelli, could she be any more Italian?

Happy Anniversary

2006-09-05T15:33:00.000-07:00

"Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am and have and ever hope to be. For it's only in your will that I am free; for it's only in your will that I am free. Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am and have and ever hope to be!"

Today I celebrated my one year anniversary here in Nigeria. As I look back on the last year my heart is filled with gratitude for what God has done. Some highlights of ministry this year include:

Witnessing one of my dearest patients Ladi gain salvation and be transformed by the mighty power of Jesus. Also taking care of her during her last hours on earth and singing together.
Starting free HIV testing at our center. Being apart of President's Bush's AIDS initiative here at our mission hospital and helping monitor our patients on AIDS drugs.
Seeing many children who are HIV positive improve significantly and gain weight as well as start to eat better.
Visiting many patients in their homes to share the gospel and pray together with them for the healing power of God.
Successful completion of five home-based care trainings in the local churches.
Working with nine adherance counselors and training them to care for those infected with HIV/AIDS.
Mentoring two young Nigerian women in the ways of the Lord.

As I reflect on the song above I am reminded that everything I am doing is all for Jesus. All that I am and all that I have is for HIM alone. For he desires to be glorified in me and through me. May my song ever be that Jesus is my all in all.

"In him we were also chosen having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of HIS glory!"

Ephesians 1:11-12

"Emembe"

2006-09-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

The women at the VVF Center have a graduation every tuesday to celebrate those who have recovered from surgery and are not leaking anymore. Most are village women who have little access to health care. Here they are singing and dancing with thanksgiving because they have been healed and have a new freedom. The Fistula occurs in women who have had prolonged labor, and creates a hole or Fistula in the rectum and/or bladder which results in incontinence of urine and stool. These women are considered outcasts and driven from their homes. Having been rejected by their husbands and families they come desperate for help. At the VVF they receive free surgery to correct the problem and stay several months in recovery. For these women having this surgery is like having a new life. They go from being the untouchables to being accepted as members of the community once again. A good majority of the women are muslims and become Christians while in this program because they are shown God's love and compassion in a way they have never experienced.
This is Dosono and her baby Emembe. She is a patient at the VVF and also HIV positive. She traveled from another state and lives in the village. Dosono speaks neither Hausa or English. Her tribal language is called Tieve. In Tieve Emembe means "rejoice!" I first met her two months ago just shortly after she gave birth. After just finding out she was HIV positive she started on ARV's with our free drug program. Dosono's other three children have all died and she came to us with precious Emembe who was not gaining weight and looking sickly. I have been visiting her several times per week to teach her how to feed and care for the baby. Prevention has been the key for Emembe. Without quick intervention and improvement in feeding, Dosono would have been mourning a fourth child. She has been discouraged from breastfeeding and comes in weekly for infant formula. Her demeanor at first was downcast but now that Emembe has gained weight and is doing so well, she has a smile on her face. It has been such a joy to see Dosono truly "rejoicing" with a new hope for this child. She will stay at the center another three months for further recovery and then go back to her village. We pray as she returns the baby will continue to thrive, and that when the time comes to test that Emembe will be free of the HIV virus. Please pray for her as she cares for this child and deals with the reality of this disease.

THE LEAST OF THESE

2006-09-02T14:52:00.000-07:00

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me!'

Matthew 25:40

This is my friend Musa and he has polio. He is unable to walk, and his friend pushes him around all day in the wheelchair you see in the background. They are put on the street to beg. When I first met Musa he would always ask me for money, but as soon as I asked him his name and started to befriend him, he stopped asking. Now when I see him on the street I stop and attempt to communicate with him in my broken Hausa and shake his tiny little hand. My heart breaks for this young boy and many others like him who are living with this crippling disease. Often when I am walking to the market I sit beside the boys on the sidewalk and after a minute or two a crowd of beggar kids form around me. I use the opportunity to share the gospel with them. God has really given me a heart for these street kids. Musa is one of the least of these. Many that pass by don't even look his way. He is considered a nobody. But Jesus died for people just like him. Pray for his heart to soften to the truth of Jesus Christ!