Heart to heart with Reverend India

Today the coordinator of our ministry came to my office and said, "I want to talk with you!" It was unusual for him to pull me aside in such an intentional way. He sat me down and asked me about my future plans and said that he hoped I will come back to Nigeria. He also asked me if I wanted to be married? In the Nigerian culture marriage is viewed very highly, and an individual is considered more influential and useful in their ministry if they are married. He began to tell me how he has been praying for me to find a husband, and that when I come back to Nigeria he wants me to have a husband by my side. I really appreciated his concern for me and I took it as a great compliment. It was very fatherly, and meant a lot. I assured him that I want to be married someday, and am waiting for my husband to find me. As hard as it is to be single in this culture for a variety of reasons, I am so thankful for this time to have an undivided focus on the Lord. I know more than ever what it means to find total satisfaction in the Lord, for He is my portion and my daily bread.

"I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord!"

1 Corinthians 7:35

Knees to the Earth

What is the single most passion of my life? Do I love to make Jesus known and to lift up His name so others may know Him more? These are questions I have been pondering lately. This morning I was listening to a message from John Piper on bringing Glory to God and finding true delight in Jesus; it spurred me on toward a few thoughts.....

-because of my sinful nature I am prone to glorifying myself, it's innate, and only through the power of the Holy Spirit can it be any different.

-I am struck as I read in Isaiah 6 at his response to his utter depravity and filth before God. This reminds me of my own reponse toward my sin and heart of rebellion.

"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty!" (vs. 5)

Piper says the following about sin in regards to God's glory:

"What’s the nature and essence of sin? A coming short of the glory of God; most profoundly abusing and mistreating God. My sin is not about me, but about the glory of God being defamed by my preferring other things to him. Until you feel the weight of the glory of God; his rejection, hell will seem unjust and the cross will seem like a gruesome overreaction. Oh, that God might open my eyes to feel the weight of what it means to live our lives day by day oblivious to the glory of God for which we were made, and therefore dishonor him and disrespect him and give him a vote of no confidence, and reject him, and belittle him. Hell is not an overreaction and the cross is not too bloody to save such people."

When you see the absolute Holiness and Magnificence of our Holy God, you can't help but bow with "knees to the earth" in humility before the one who has washed our sin away by His own blood. I want so much to have that attitude, being prostrate before His throne in thankfulness. I am so painfully aware of my sin before my Savior, that it leads me to a place of lowliness, a place of total surrender. I have a desperate need to be refined and the dross siphened away until I look just like HIM. That process of sanctification will never end. Until I am with the Lord, I will need His forgiveness and His continual plucking away of anything that is not of Him. So that leads me to the question of how can I delight in the Lord and bring him glory? It's only when I have a right view of God and recognition of my own sin and human condition that this can take place. Bringing God glory means I find total satisfaction in HIM, and that He is the highest and most valuable thing in my life. Everything I do and say, the way I live and love is all for His name. This quest for God's glory is absolutely profound for me....... I feel like I am just now beginning to grasp at the minutest level what this means. I also know that I fail at every attempt to Glorify Him when I try in my own strength. But I know that it is possible and commanded in scripture. God has given us everything we need for life and "Godliness" (2 Peter 1:3). So the goal of my life should be to make HIM look good. How do I do that???? As humans we crave attention and commendation. I love Paul's thought in Romans 7:24 when he says, "what a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death. Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Wow that is powerful.........preach it Paul. Jesus Christ is the only one that rescue us from these mortal bodies and gives us hope.

I want to live, as Piper says, with the knowledge that when I don't glorify God I am glorifying self and actually bringing dishonor to His name. Not only am I not making God look good and giving Him all the worth that he deserves, but I am bringing Him dishonor and defaming His name.

At times when I look at my life here in Nigeria with my own glory in mind, or any of the things which would by the world's standards be considered "good, or worthy of glory," I feel sick. In my sin nature I want the glory, and yet God is the only one who deserves all praise and honor and adoration for everything that I would consider an accomplishment in this life.

One of my favorite songs by Watermark says it quite beautifully:

"Knees to the Earth"

Wonderful Savior, my heart belongs to Thee.

I will remember always the blood you shed for me.

Wonderful Savior, my heart will know Your worth,

I will embrace You always as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high,

Be treasured here, be glorified.

I owe my life to you my Lord,

Here I am.

Beautiful Jesus, how may I bless your heart?

Knees to the earth I bow down to everything You are,

Beautiful Jesus you are my only worth

So let me embrace you always as I walk this earth

Here I am

Here I am

Here I am

Knees to the earth......

"Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts."

Isaiah 26:8

What should my reponse be? all I can do is fall on my face with knees to the Earth and thank God for who He is. More of HIM and less of me.

Silence in the streets

Today there was silence in the streets, a kind of eery feeling like we are nearing end times. What is normally one of the busiest streets in town, today on election day, was empty. Except for three young kids selling phone cards, no-one was on the road. No cars honking their horns as they drive down the hill, no achabas (guys on motor bikes) swirving in and out of traffic, no pedestrians running in between cars while crossing the streets, no broken down taxis stopping every few streets to pick up passengers, no women selling bananas, carrots or other fruits and vegetables by the side of the road and no guys yelling "baturi" (white person) at me. It was so refreshing to walk outside and breathe in the silence. Today there was a sense of peace, a quietness I have only known on election day. And it may be many years before I ever have this feeling again.

"You have candy for us?"

On wednesday and friday mornings I meet with Mallam Garba for Hausa class. My car has been in the shop this week so this morning I got a ride to work, and then walked the rest of the way to a compound where we meet. As I walked down the dirt road, I waved to the guards with the familiar morning greetings "Sannu, Ina Kwana?" The road was quiet, except you know that feeling you get when it seems you are being followed? I turned around only to see "my children," those beautiful kids that live on the Spring of Life compound, were following me. They walked with me all the way to Hausa class. Along the way they asked the usual question, "you have candy for us?" I have become popular because I always have sweeties for them. Okay I admit they are spoiled rotten. I just love them so much I can't help it. They waited outside while I was in Hausa, and followed me back to work when I was finished. Ususally when I am at work they run around outside our office, and then call my name through the window. At the moment, they are on break from school, so of course are always around. They are the bright spot in my day and bring me such joy; my children! I can't imagine going back to America and not seeing their precious faces every day. I will worry about that when the day comes. For now, I am loving every minute of it........

Chicken Soup

I have a cold today and am sniffly and stuffed up. I took some Zinc tablets for the past few days to prevent the cold, but they didn't work. Bummer! You know the feeling you get when you can't taste anything and you feel so groggy? I've decided it's not a great feeling. My friend George brought me Chicken Soup with cheese and crackers for dinner. A perfect comfort food. What great friends I have. God knew that I needed a little encouragement today and it came in the form of soup. I love it when He does that!!

The Resurrection and the Life

"I am the Resurrection and the life. He who believes in my will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die..."

There I stood at the foot of the cross hurling insults at Jesus and mocking him. It was my very sin that put him there. He died for me because He was obeying His father's will. He knew it was the only way I could be in a relationship with God. He now showed the full extent of His love by the act of being crucified on Calvary's tree. He did it for me. He did it for you. So we could live free from the chains of sin and death, and be alive in HIM. In the cross we find Redemption and forgiveness. It is there that life begins......