I have been disillusioned lately with certain friendships. Those that I thought were close to me show no interest in my life and it hurts. I am going through this thing as I prepare for long term missions in Nigeria where I realize that many people have already let me go. They don't want to invest in me because I am leaving again, or maybe they have moved on. I guess I have to lower my expectations of others because they will always let me down. I am left disappointed because I realize I have once again invested my heart in people who don't reciprocate. As painful is that is for me I still choose to love others and show them God's love. Jesus didn't love people for what they could give him or how they would benefit him; he loved them with no alterior motive. Do I do that? Do I really love people because I love Jesus and he calls me to love, or because they can benefit me in some way? I am searching my heart on that currently.
I also realize that some people are only in our lives for a season. That season however short or long is blessed by the people that come across our paths. I am learning how to enjoy those friends for however long I have the privilege of spending time with them. The hard part though is saying goodbye. I don't like this at all but after living in Nigeria I got good at saying goodbye constantly. It seemed like weekly I was saying goodbye to another friend who I had lived through such difficult times with. Tragedies bring people closer and in Nigeria we went through many of those.
For now I give my hurt heart to Jesus and ask him to mend it and help me let go of those that hurt me. I am sure there are many people that I have hurt and I don't even know it. May God forgive me for the selfishness in my heart and help give me a heart that simply loves.. with no strings attached.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Hello Susan,
My name is Isabella, and I first heard about your from Brett Binder, a Calvary Chapel missionary in Abuja (Jikwoyi). As I was checking out SIM ministries I saw your entry and your picture and thought this must be the same lady...
I spent 3 months in Nigeria this winter(dry season =))and my prayer is to return as soon as the Lord opens all doors.. I LOVE Nigeria and my burden for the poor, the needy, confused and lost grows daily.
The Lord keeps stirring my heart for the unreached peoples, which there are so many of..
I read your latest thoughts, and wanted to encourage you to just hold on to Jesus and depend on Him only. People do come and go, and even our children are not our own. No one belongs to us and we do not belong to anyone, but our Savior. Do not be angry, or too sad about people turning away.. most of them probably do not understand what it is like to leave the place you have always known and move into a totally different culture. But there is One who knows. He did the same. Only His step from one "culture" to the other was a liiittle bigger =)
Fix your eyes on Him and let Him be to you all you need, breathe Sonlight so you may shine ever brighter. Make that your only desire =)
(Read 2 Cor.4:18 and 3:18, and ponder on the message and be encouraged!)
If you like, check out my page at
www.myspace.com/elissabellajoy
I pray the Lord is your Sun and Shield, here and now, and forever.
Chineke gozie gi.
by grace only,
BellaJoy =)
ps. if you have monthly news, please add me to your mailing list: isa7bella7@gmail.com. Thank you!
Please, feel free to write, ask for prayer, any time!
Oh, Susan! I can entirely sympathize with this problem, having grown up with goodbyes all the time. I wish I had your attitude. I've spent so much of my life in perpetual bitterness and pain over the friends who have lost interest in friendships I truly treasured. It's so hard to let go of the things you really love, eh? How can I encourage you? *hug*
Post a Comment