Since living in Nigeria my life has not been the same; I have felt like I am in "transition mode" for over a year now. I often struggle with how to reconcile the way that I feel, and learn contentment in the midst of constantly feeling pulled between two worlds. I have yet to know how to just "be" without planning or anticipating the next thing. At times I am unable to relax and not worry about what it is that I am going to do in the future. A million questions are running around inside my head and I can't slow them down. Questions like, when am I going back to Nigeria? What will I do when I get there? Where am I going to work between now and then? Where am I living in the next three months? Where am I going to find a roommate? How am I going to raise support?
I am reminded that I must learn contentment in the here and now. Right now I can learn to trust God and enjoy what each new day brings. That is so un-American. We don't know how to enjoy each new day, but instead we rush around and first thing in the morning are already talking about tomorrow. Our culture forces us to plan constantly and to look for the next best thing. The last few days I have been thinking that my life would be so much better if only......here are a few things I am pondering ashamedly.
1. If only I worked at Starbucks...
2. If only I was in Nigeria...
3. If only I was more brave...
4. If only I was more intelligent...
5. If only I was less emotional...
6. If only I didn't say those things...
7. If only I didn't worry so much...
8. If only I lived closer...
9. If only I were not a nurse...
10. If only I had a less stressful job...
When I feel as if only something were different in my life God shows me that HE is all that I need, and that nothing else can satisfy me like he can. My precious Heavenly Father continues to gently remind me that he alone can fill my heart with more of him if I let him be all that I need. Until I completely surrender all to Jesus he cannot be everything to me. That is quite profound to me. He will never be my all in all if I keep using cheap substitutes to make me happy. When I think something better will come along or when I feel I am lacking something, I am always left wanting. When I get that very thing that I wanted so much there is always a letdown and feeling of disappointment. Inevitably another thing replaces the first and it appears that I will find gratification from that new thing. Yet it never happens. When will I learn? Only when I am in glory will I stop battling my flesh and earthly desires and find true and ultimate satisfaction in Christ. Until then I will continue to battle my sin and vanity.
No-one knew contentment more than Paul. I want to learn from Paul what is means to be at peace in my soul.
"For I know what it means to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:12
These verses are glorious because they give such insight into life. Paul knew what it meant to have plenty, he also knew what it meant to have little. Yet in either situation he found contentment. He knew the secret to all of life. That only through finding strength in Jesus Christ can we find what we are looking for. What could I possibly want that has not already been given to me? Is Jesus enough for me?
What about you? Have you found what you are looking for? Praise be to God that I have found the secret to being happy; the secret is a relationship with Jesus Christ, Yesu Almasehu, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, the Creator and Sustainer of life, the High and Exalted One who is My Redeemer, My Fortress, my joy and my Crown.
Since coming back from Nigeria in June I have struggled to be all here. I am finally settling int o life here and yet I am missing my life in Nigeria so much. I miss my friends, my children and the work of helping HIV patients. I am learning to rest in Jesus and to trust in his will for my life. I want to obey Christ and to die to my own selfishness. Nigeria is where God wants me to be and I long to be in his will because that is when I am most happy and he is most glorified.
Visiting Shaibu was a huge highlight during my trip back to Nigeria. Many of you remember how frail and skeletal he was almost two years ago when he first came to our ministry. He weighed a mere 4 kg at 9 months old. Now he is running all over the place and eats everything. He still clings to his grandmother like nobody's business, and refuses to talk to me but is so precious and such a miracle. If you look closely enough you can see he is even smiling small small. Oh the joy of seeing God work in amazing ways. Is our God awesome or what? Only God could raise this little boy from the dead and give him a second chance at life. May Shaibu become a follower of Jesus when he grows up...
Aunty Nicky driving the van to Gyero, a village just outside of Jos where many orphan children have been given a new home, a new life and hope for their futures through free education, discipleship, food, clothing, and medical care.
Sharing the gospel and praying with these women was the best part of my day. I came in the VVF clinic to greet the women and sing Hausa songs with them. After singing one of the women asked me to pray that God would send them work; most of these women come from the bush and they are very poor with great need for food and skills to provide the necessities for their families. I asked her if I could pray for them right then and they all agreed. As soon as they heard I wanted to pray many more women crowded in, and they listened with anticipation as if hearing some amazing news. I sat down on one of their filthy bunk beds and covered my head with a jean jacket because I had left my head tie at the office, and began praying. None of these women speak a word of English so I resorted to little words I know in Hausa that relate to the gospel and stumbled through praying back and forth from English to Hausa. I was truly humbled and felt like the spotlight was on me; I kept asking God for his help knowing only his Holy Spirit could speak through me to communicate what he wanted them to hear. I know that God heard and that no matter what they actually understood, God is bigger than any language barrier, he is bigger than their ability to understand, he is bigger than their beliefs and their fears of believing what we believe. I know I am here for such a time is this. I want to proclaim the gospel boldly and without fear. I pray many of these women come to saving faith in Christ. Please pray for them...
Of course seeing my kids and my husband most of all was great too (my husband is the one in the middle)
Safia is growing so much and loves this Ground nut butter I am holding. The U.S. government is providing this food for malnourished babies and it is making a huge difference for the kids who have been failing to thrive.
The joy of seeing my twins Peter and Paul was so amazing!! They came to us last year in terrible shape and so thin. Now look at them.
Larai and her new three month old Mishael. Larai was one of my closest friends in Nigeria and we worked together at Spring of Life. Right before I left she told me that she was pregnant and I could not have been happier. It was so great to see her new baby boy. Today Larai had a glow about her that I have never seen before. It was remarkable, and I can only say that God has given her such a joy to be a mommy!
