I have found the secret....

Since living in Nigeria my life has not been the same; I have felt like I am in "transition mode" for over a year now. I often struggle with how to reconcile the way that I feel, and learn contentment in the midst of constantly feeling pulled between two worlds. I have yet to know how to just "be" without planning or anticipating the next thing. At times I am unable to relax and not worry about what it is that I am going to do in the future. A million questions are running around inside my head and I can't slow them down. Questions like, when am I going back to Nigeria? What will I do when I get there? Where am I going to work between now and then? Where am I living in the next three months? Where am I going to find a roommate? How am I going to raise support?

I am reminded that I must learn contentment in the here and now. Right now I can learn to trust God and enjoy what each new day brings. That is so un-American. We don't know how to enjoy each new day, but instead we rush around and first thing in the morning are already talking about tomorrow. Our culture forces us to plan constantly and to look for the next best thing. The last few days I have been thinking that my life would be so much better if only......here are a few things I am pondering ashamedly.

1. If only I worked at Starbucks...
2. If only I was in Nigeria...
3. If only I was more brave...
4. If only I was more intelligent...
5. If only I was less emotional...
6. If only I didn't say those things...
7. If only I didn't worry so much...
8. If only I lived closer...
9. If only I were not a nurse...
10. If only I had a less stressful job...

When I feel as if only something were different in my life God shows me that HE is all that I need, and that nothing else can satisfy me like he can. My precious Heavenly Father continues to gently remind me that he alone can fill my heart with more of him if I let him be all that I need. Until I completely surrender all to Jesus he cannot be everything to me. That is quite profound to me. He will never be my all in all if I keep using cheap substitutes to make me happy. When I think something better will come along or when I feel I am lacking something, I am always left wanting. When I get that very thing that I wanted so much there is always a letdown and feeling of disappointment. Inevitably another thing replaces the first and it appears that I will find gratification from that new thing. Yet it never happens. When will I learn? Only when I am in glory will I stop battling my flesh and earthly desires and find true and ultimate satisfaction in Christ. Until then I will continue to battle my sin and vanity.

No-one knew contentment more than Paul. I want to learn from Paul what is means to be at peace in my soul.

"For I know what it means to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:12

These verses are glorious because they give such insight into life. Paul knew what it meant to have plenty, he also knew what it meant to have little. Yet in either situation he found contentment. He knew the secret to all of life. That only through finding strength in Jesus Christ can we find what we are looking for. What could I possibly want that has not already been given to me? Is Jesus enough for me?

What about you? Have you found what you are looking for? Praise be to God that I have found the secret to being happy; the secret is a relationship with Jesus Christ, Yesu Almasehu, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, the Creator and Sustainer of life, the High and Exalted One who is My Redeemer, My Fortress, my joy and my Crown.