Gyero Girls

Aunty Nicky driving the van to Gyero, a village just outside of Jos where many orphan children have been given a new home, a new life and hope for their futures through free education, discipleship, food, clothing, and medical care.

Inexpressible joy!

Sharing the gospel and praying with these women was the best part of my day. I came in the VVF clinic to greet the women and sing Hausa songs with them. After singing one of the women asked me to pray that God would send them work; most of these women come from the bush and they are very poor with great need for food and skills to provide the necessities for their families. I asked her if I could pray for them right then and they all agreed. As soon as they heard I wanted to pray many more women crowded in, and they listened with anticipation as if hearing some amazing news. I sat down on one of their filthy bunk beds and covered my head with a jean jacket because I had left my head tie at the office, and began praying. None of these women speak a word of English so I resorted to little words I know in Hausa that relate to the gospel and stumbled through praying back and forth from English to Hausa. I was truly humbled and felt like the spotlight was on me; I kept asking God for his help knowing only his Holy Spirit could speak through me to communicate what he wanted them to hear. I know that God heard and that no matter what they actually understood, God is bigger than any language barrier, he is bigger than their ability to understand, he is bigger than their beliefs and their fears of believing what we believe. I know I am here for such a time is this. I want to proclaim the gospel boldly and without fear. I pray many of these women come to saving faith in Christ. Please pray for them...

Of course seeing my kids and my husband most of all was great too (my husband is the one in the middle)

Safia is growing so much and loves this Ground nut butter I am holding. The U.S. government is providing this food for malnourished babies and it is making a huge difference for the kids who have been failing to thrive.

The joy of seeing my twins Peter and Paul was so amazing!! They came to us last year in terrible shape and so thin. Now look at them.

Larai and her new three month old Mishael. Larai was one of my closest friends in Nigeria and we worked together at Spring of Life. Right before I left she told me that she was pregnant and I could not have been happier. It was so great to see her new baby boy. Today Larai had a glow about her that I have never seen before. It was remarkable, and I can only say that God has given her such a joy to be a mommy!

There is no possible way to explain the joy of being back in Nigeria, and having the opportunity to impact so many lives. Being gone for 10 months really showed me how much I did make a difference in so many lives, and I have a fresh perspective on what I was doing on a daily basis. At times I would get burned out and think "what difference am I really making?" After seeing the joy on peoples faces when they saw me showed how important my mere presence, support, encouragement and love for the people here was. Praise Jesus! Today was truly an amazing day!

Where I belong...

The second I landed in Abuja it was like coming back home. I immediately felt a sense of belonging. Things seem to make sense here to me. My life made sense, I fit in with the culture and loved my life here, despite all the wahala (trouble) that I went through living here. I received a warm welcome at work, and all I can say is that there was much screaming (the good kind!) and tons of long hugs (Nigerians are not touchy feely people) and much laughter. I called my good friend Hajara and started singing to her in Hausa and thinking it was her Nigerian friend she was trying to guess who it was. When I told her it was me she screamed and laughed for a while, then said, "Ina zuwa, ina zuwa yanzu" (I am coming I am coming right now)! It was such an amazing feeling and in some ways I feel like I never left. Ten months seems like a day...she said "I can't stop hugging you!" What a joy to have so many people that are special in my life.

But as I dealt with what seemed like hundreds of young Nigerian men yelling "Baturi" at me as I walked down the street I remembered very quickly, "I am not in Kansas anymore." It didn't take long to remember the things that were hard or made me cry when I came the first time over two years ago. I also saw many children who have polio and are unable to walk, but resort to crawling. Many of them don't even have wheelchairs. There were several other children whose bodies are disfigured, and they were hard to look at. I felt an overwhelming feeling of sorrow again, it's almost like I forgot what that was like. I got so desensitized to it all; of course it was never easy, but I didn't think about it a lot because it is so wearing emotionally. I had to shut it out some in order to function.

God has pulled on my heartstrings again and he continues to do so until I can empathize with people so much that I love like he does. I met with a friend yesterday and he was reminding me how I need to have empathy for people and not just pity for them. It was a good point and I must say I am working on what that looks like here. I will let you know what I come up with.

I don't know what the future holds for me, and at times I don't really know how to love as Jesus loved, but I do know that at this very moment I am right where I belong.......

Leaving on a jet plane

Tomorrow I board a plane to return to Nigeria, the country that has changed my life. I am excited for this new adventure and after being away almost a year I know that as I go I am merely a "visitor" this time and no longer a "resident." Yet I speak their language and we share the same heart. The longer I have been away the more I feel I belong there.

Walking the halls

As I stepped onto the unit where I work this morning an overwhelming feeling of panic and fear came over me. What crazy things is going to happen today, I thought? How many patients am I going to lose today? I walked around with a pit in my stomach. At times working with cancer patients is too much for me to bear, why? Because I bear their burdens every day. I told a patient a few weeks ago that we as a staff are walking through his cancer journey with him, and indeed we are. Through every tube, blood transfusion, lab draw, IV, patient gown, bowel movement, catheter, medicine, urine specimen, vomit, test or procedure, bad result, whatever the patient goes through, we the nurses are right there to pick up the pieces after the doctor has delivered the bad news. Whether the news is that the cancer has come back, the tumor has spread, or that the chemo isn't working I am called to be the comforter, to listen, and to hold their hand while they cry.

Every day I deal with another excruciatingly sad story, another family burdened with sorrow to see a loved one withering away, another drip of medicine given for the patient's comfort in their last days of life.

Some days I ask God why he has called me to this work???? But then I remember that this road we walk with Jesus is not easy and can be very painful at times. I know that he who has called me is faithful....and that is the hope that I cling to. I should count it a privilege to suffer along with my patients, and God knows I always do. Nigeria is not going to be any easier and in some small way I know God is preparing me for something bigger, not necessarily better, but bigger.

As I walk down the halls of my floor I remember that I am Jesus to these people; not only am I their nurse, I am their advocate, their friend, their sister....their caregiver. We had a free ice cream social today and I went to get my patient some ice cream with extra chocolate and a few wafers. It made him so happy (of course his blood sugar was not exactly low after that, in fact he needed lots of Insulin), and I felt a mighty wave of hope, joy, confidence and contentment in that moment. I grabbed a few Cancer Survivor T-shirts they were giving away to give to my patients. As I entered the room I sprawled the T-shirt in front of his table at the foot of the bed where he could see it. I told him that whenever he got discouraged he could look at his shirt and remember that he is a Survivor. He was thankful and I know it meant so much to him. after that As the day went on as I walked past the room to check on him I noticed him looking at the shirt. Aha...

O God, my Lord and precious Savior! Thank you for this day; that in the midst of feeling totally helpless and weak I could bring joy through ice cream and a T-shirt.

Help me to find those moments in every day even when I don't feel like it. Help me to love my patients more, and to give all that I am and have to serve you!

Spring Banquet

Last night was the Spring Banquet for Moody Graduate School where we celebrated over 90 students graduating from various majors who are now entering the real world of ministry. To the left is Heidi, a dear African friend (can't you tell she is Ugandan) who spent two years in Uganda and plans to go back next year as a long term missionary. She just "gets me" and there is never an explanation needed for the way I am feeling. I can just cry on her shoulder and tell her how much I miss Nigeria and she listens and understands completely. She can feel that inner turmoil and the longings I have for another land; a land so different from my but somehow a place where I feel at home and find comfort. Thanks girl for your friendship, I am so thankful for you!