Losing Rejoice

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. "

Psalm 68:19

For the last few months I have been working with a client and her baby whose name is Rejoice. At first, the baby was very fat and healthy looking. But over the last month she reduced weight and was very sick. I had been hearing that the mother would go out and lock the door leaving the baby alone with the 9 year old son. She would be found crying and crying, not being fed enough. Her neighbor who is also a client of ours has testified that there is obvious neglect. One night Rejoice's mom saw that the baby was dying, her breathing slowing, so she panicked and called her neighbor. The neighbor was the one that convinced her to bring the baby for the hospital. When she brought the baby and I saw how malnourished and small she was, I was so disgusted, especially after hearing about the neglect and poor responsibility of her mother. That day after seeing how thin she had become, I had grown so discouraged. But the baby was put on admission in the hospital and got much better. I saw a glimmer of hope that maybe her mother was waking up the reality of parenting, and would change her ways after almost losing her 8 month old. I have had to deal with such anger at her for how she is treating the baby. I went to her house one day and tried to talk with her seriously about taking better care of her baby. I told her that if she didn't take care of Rejoice very well that the baby would die. She kind of smiled and acted nonchalantly, and that made me even more upset. This is not a joke; this is a precious life; an innocent baby who has been born to an HIV positive mother who may also be positive with this deadly virus. After many of us tried talking with her, she continued in her behavior. My fears came true when I found out that Rejoice died last tuesday. I was beside myself, so upset and angry at her mother. I have asked myself over and over, was there something else I could have done to stop this? did I do enough? could I have saved the baby? what could I have done to prevent this? I feared what I would say to her mother upon seeing her. I have been praying that God would help me to love this woman as terrible as she is. She knew how sick she was, and said she never had money for transport to the hospital, yet had money to go out and run around doing who knows what. It's almost like she wanted the baby to die. She came to see me yesterday, and God's grace was amazing, as it always is. She sat down and I started crying, saying how sorry I was and asked her what happened. The most amazing thing is that when I looked at her all I saw was love, and felt compassion. I reminded her of our conversation, and told her I hoped that she did everything she could do for the baby to care for her. She just kept saying, "it's no problem, no problem." I asked her how she could say it's no problem. She said she had done her best, and that God knew he would take the baby when He did.

I thank God for helping me deal with this situation in His strength, not my own. Please pray for Helen, that she would be convicted of her sin and turn to God. Only God really knows her heart. It's not for us to judge or condemn her. Pray for my heart as I deal with another terrible loss....

Like so many other situations I deal with on a daily basis, I have to again come before His throne of grace and ask for help, because I don't understand. I don't have the answer, but must rest in His absolute Sovereignty and allow Him to bear my burdens, and the burdens of many around me.