"The Freedom Song"

As we walked down the steps to Esther's house on monday, I knew I should brace myself for what I would see. Even though I have been taking care of dying patients for over four years now, it is never easy; it is always an emotional experience to see a life fading away right before your very eyes. This was especially sad because Esther is only twenty-five years old and already end stage. When one of the home-based care workers named Ladi told me Esther was really down, she said, "I thought she was going to give up yesterday." I knew it would be bad. Upon entering the room, there she was lying in fetal position; her body emaciated. She had hardly any clothes on because of high fevers. She was delirious and had a dry mouth, due to eating almost nothing. Her bones jutted out everywhere. Each time she exhaled her ribcage moved rapidly up and down. She was near the end. We sat her up slowly, all her weight leaning on us, and gave her some Tylenol for the fever. She immediately vomited the two white pills. We waited a few minutes, then I instructed Ladi to crush the pills and give them, again making sure she swallowed them. By God's grace she kept them down. As she sat there limp as anything, I slowly rubbed a cool rag on her back and face. Then she lay back down and began moaning "God, why did you do this to me?" We began talking to Esther about the love God has for her. We asked her is she was a Christian, and if she died that night would she be going to Heaven? She answered that yes she was, and would be in Heaven. We prayed with her and sang "Ni Zan je", which says, "I will go anywhere with Jesus, no matter the roughness of the road." Then we said goodbye; a goodbye which would be our last.

I have been praying and thinking a lot about my friend, and when I saw Ladi this morning I asked how Esther was doing. Ladi told me she went to her house last night with a pastor, and they prayed again with her. Then she broke the news that Esther died early this morning at 4 a.m. I am rejoicing that her pain and suffering are no more; her hope has been fully restored by the One who made her. Esther is now singing the freedom song.

It's easy to grow discouraged day after day seeing the same thing; a young woman, man or child being taken away by this horrible disease, suffering so much, and knowing there is nothing I can do to change the situation. This feeling of being out of control is the hardest reality I face. But again as God always does, He has brought me comfort today and is healing my heart. I am reminded again that I did my job and that's all I can do. Sharing the gospel with Esther was the the best way to minister to her needs, and bring comfort during her last days on this earth. I will not remember Esther the way she looked, but that of her raising her hands to Jesus as we sang, and the bright smile on her face when we said goodbye. Even in her dying, she was smiling because we brought her hope....and hope is more than enough.